Please note – the below list is one that is ever growing. As I continue to live and manage anxiety, I will update it with whatever is helping me. If you would like to contribute an idea to the list, please use the contact page.
Let’s get one thing straight – anxiety sucks.
1. Perspective
Perspective is so important because it’s the difference between a crappy day and a good day. It’s also the difference between always being worried and feeling more at ease in difficult situations. I’ll be the first to admit my perspective can sometimes lean south, but I always do my best to flip it back upright.
2. What Is The Worst Case Scenario?
Often times we get so wrapped up in what might happen, that we ignore what is most likely to happen. And I myself, am guilty of this as much as the next guy. As mentioned above, the emotional brain is quick to respond, leaving little time for rational thinking. As you continue to worry, you might find you become more and more entangled in a worst case scenario that seems like it would end your world in the blink of an eye.
3. Talk To Someone
Whilst not so much a skill, talking to someone is an important habit to get into, especially if your young and are finding it difficult to understand how you’re feeling. I know from personal experience that locking yourself away is one of the worst things you can do. Humans are social creatures for a reason, and I believe in the saying ‘a problem shared is a problem halved‘.
4. Get Into A Flow More Often
Number 3 on the coping skills list leads me nicely into the next – getting into a state of flow. You might not be too familiar with this theory, and I wasn’t until recent years either, but it’s an incredibly interesting one to learn about.
So how do you get into a state of flow and use this as an anxiety coping skill? Well, I’d say that you have to make time for the things that challenge you, but are within your ability. These are usually the things you love to do. So for me, writing is challenging, but it’s within my ability.
Writing causes me to close the outside world out, forget about any worry I may have, and get that sense of satisfaction that is important to me.
5. Redefine What You Actually Care About
What is it you’re worrying about? Is it something you actually care about? If you answer that by saying yes, ask yourself why you care about it.
6. Take Time Out To Breathe Properly
Taking time out to breathe properly can be the difference between having a panic attack or not. We spend so much time getting ourselves worked up that we forget the most basic thing in life – breathing. Too often we don’t take in enough oxygen when we’re anxious, and this only leads to more anxiety. Sounds kind of dumb but it’s true…
7. Mindfulness Matters
If you know about the practise of mindfulness already, you might be sick to death of hearing about it. However, mindfulness isn’t about taking half an hour out of your day to meditate. Instead, it’s more of a day to day conscious way of thinking.
Along my journey, I realised that most of life is spent slogging along, moment to moment, without really thinking too much. If you think about it, humans get used to their routines far too easily. Because of this, it’s easy to go about your day on autopilot. Things get very mundane, very quickly. And so, things seem to lose their value. Anxiety creeps in, and the beauty of the most simple of things diminishes.
Mindfulness is all about reconnecting with the world around you in a most basic kind of form. This can be done by spending the time to examine the world around you. For example, a common mindfulness practise is to sit and observe a raisin. It’s all very basic but effective stuff…you examine the raisin as if it were the first time you ever saw it, inspiring the child-like curiosity you once had in the world. This kind of deep thinking slows down time and forces you to engage in the kind of thinking that you take for granted each day. Doing activities like this can promote a calmer mind, not to mention it can have powerful grounding effects.
Mindfulness is a great anxiety coping skill, and should be used as part of a lifestyle change to reap it’s full benefits.
8. Celebrate Failing Just As Much As Achieving
Growing up, I thought that success was the only goal in life. Get a good education, get a good job, a nice house, a nice wife and some nice kids. When you think about it, from childhood we are bred to be successful. We are rewarded when we do well, but not told that failure is acceptable too. Therefore, we can grow up with a stigma against failure. Because of this, failure, or the thought of it, can create a great deal of anxiety.
Everyone from your parents, teachers, and bosses set goals for you to achieve. Whilst goal setting helps us grow and become better, we end up not knowing how to deal with failure, and see it as a terrible thing. This is seen every day, all over the world. For example, in 2013 a 23-year-old British man took his own life after failing his driving test for the 6th time. He had driven around illegally for months, just so he didn’t have to experience the embarrassment of telling his friends he had failed again. When you think about it, there has to be a balance in life. These cultural and social expectations put a great deal of pressure and stress on us from the word go. Isn’t that enough to cause a lifetime of not feeling good enough?
Whilst the thought of failure can motivate us to do great things, it can also cause those who are susceptible to anxiety years of grief and low levels of self worth. So how can you get around the anxiety surrounding failure? An important anxiety coping skill is to again realign your perspective. I think failure should be celebrated, not because it signifies that we’ve let ourselves down, but because it means that we are growing and learning. Failing to do something means that we have tried an experience and not received the outcome we wanted.
However, if you never failed, then you never tried, and you never had the experience that taught you a lesson.
To me, experiences hold more value than money or success, because they are what provide things like motivation, awareness, and perspective on life.It’s okay to fail sometimes. Just because you might not achieve what you wanted, it doesn’t mean that you are now ‘a failure‘. I believe a human being can’t be defined in any sense of the word. You can repeatedly make mistakes, but you can’t be defined as a ‘failure’, because you also make right decisions too.We are far too complex to be labelled as anything. There are multiple layers of you that are constantly shrinking and expanding.
See The Shyness And Anxiety System
9. Don’t Be Afraid To Invest In Yourself
More of a habit than an anxiety coping skill, investing in yourself is priceless. The frustrating thing about anxiety is, it can make you feel worthless and that you’re ‘not good enough’.
However, I believe that constantly learning and reinvesting in yourself is one of the best investments you can make. So having experiences, and learning new things can really help to build your sense of self worth. First of all, unveiling anxiety can be really helpful in understanding why you might get so anxious.
For me, I found a great deal of use out of listening to audiobooks. As someone who doesn’t read books as much as I should, I found listening to them to be much more suitable. And if you don’t like to spend money, Audible can hook you up with a free audiobook just for signing up free for 30 days.
Rewire your anxious brain is a great place to start. Written by psychologists, it provides information about how anxiety works and where it comes from.
10. Go And Make Something
There’s a reason why art therapy works. Doing something creative gives the mind something to latch onto, instead of designing its own thoughts. Creating something is like outputting your emotions into a physical form, and by doing so, results in taking some of the strain off of yourself.
I find that anxiety creeps in when I am not using my creativity. When I do engage it, there is no room for anxiety to be present. My thoughts are controlled and I am focused on what I am doing, whilst enjoying it. If you don’t consider yourself a creative person, you might not realise that somewhere deep down you have the craving to build something! If you’re an ‘anxious person‘, you might just need to express yourself more often in a creative way. There’s plenty of art classes you can join, but expressing creativity doesn’t just stop with art. You could take up drama, singing, or learning an instrument for example. When you think about it, some of the great artists/songs of our times are produced by those who have suffered with mental illness, because the anxious mind is also a creative one.Whether you find you have a load of free time or not, taking up something creative can work wonders. I find drawing therapeutic and satisfying for example.
11. Writing And Journaling
Point 10 on the anxiety skills coping list leads me nicely onto point 11 – writing and journaling. For a long time, there has been a belief that journaling was reserved for 12-year-old girls to write about who they have a crush on. Now, more and more adults are taking up the skill and habit of journaling. So why do it?
Journaling is essentially the same as doing something creative. Journaling allows you to paint your thoughts, allowing them out, and in turn, relieving some of the stress that comes with bottling them up. As I mentioned earlier, I found that holding in my thoughts only lead to me feeling worse, and a little heavier.
Whilst I don’t keep a journal per sae, I do find that blogging has the same therapeutic effects. The ability to write down my thoughts not only gets me into a satisfying state of flow, it relieves some of the thoughts I have. Being able to talk about how you feel is key, and that’s why it’s so powerful.
Journaling can also help you to track your progress, for example, each day you can mark how anxious you have felt out of ten, to give you can idea of how you week/month has been. You can also set yourself small tasks to complete that you might ordinarily overlook.
I created the printable 21 day anxiety worksheet journal as an introduction to journaling for anxiety. It does all of what I mentioned above. There’s a section to journal each day, a section to complete a task each week, and a section to rate how anxious you have been feeling. It’s a gentle entry into journaling that you can then build on after you’ve completed it.
12. Understanding That The End Goal Is Just A Myth
I used to think if I just do this, and I just do that, eventually I would be totally free from anxiety, and I won’t have to worry anymore. I fantasized about being older, more wiser, and free from any emotional burden. What I have come to understand is that there will always be a emotional burden of some kind that needs to be dowsed or accepted.
The problem is, people get so wrapped up in their heads about this ‘end goal of success’ where everything falls into place. Maybe it’s because fairy tales have being lying to us. The truth is, happily ever after is a lie. Whilst you can end up leading a happy life, throughout it you’ll still have obstacles to jump over. Whether it’s getting a house, a job, fortune or fame, you will never be separated or immune to what the world has to offer.
Anxiety is no different. Understanding today that anxiety will show up now and again is key. And understanding that you won’t erase it for good is even more important. I have found that by embracing this fact, day-to-day anxiety is not as present as it was.
I was chasing the happily ever after scenario in my head for years. However, ten years on, I still have that happily ever after scenario playing in my head. Whilst anxiety does not rule over me anymore (for the most part) there are other things that I now want to change in my life. There’s new things that I strive for, or have less of.
This is an important anxiety coping skill mindset that will help you to see the bigger picture. I think it’s only human nature to want to chase down that perfect scenario in our minds. But the cold hard truth is, it’s not real, and it all comes back down to balance. If you can embrace the fact that anxiety will be present sometimes, no matter what stage in your life you’re at, and disregard the ‘happily ever after’ thoughts, you will find that you build a longer term resilience and strength. This mindset prepares you better for when you do feel anxious and allows you to remember that it is normal, it is part of life, and it will come and go from time to time. I like to think of myself as being realistic. Having the years go by, and still getting anxious now and again has taught me the basic fact that some things will always be present in a small or large capacity, but I have the choice in deciding how big of a deal they are.
We live in a society where we try to fix everything, but sometimes we need to remember that even after the film finished and Cinderella walked away with her prince, she still had relationship issues, felt anxiety, anger, joy, sadness, happiness, and the rest…The end goal simply does not exist, and instead there is an ongoing story that we live each day. And each anxious experience that we feel helps us to learn and understand ourselves a little bit better.
12. Jump All In
Depending on the situation, sometimes it can be better to just jump right in. The problem we can find is that we second guess ourselves. For example, if you’re anxious about talking to someone, or asking them a question, just get straight up and do it. Don’t give yourself the time to procrastinate and stop yourself.
I have found that once I start thinking about each outcome, I eventually tell myself not to do it. It’s easier to sit back and let things go when you feel anxious, however jumping right in only builds your confidence in the long run. Have you got something you need to do? Go do it! And feel the satisfaction that comes with getting a job done.
13. Close The Stupid Social Apps
Have you ever considered how much social networks contribute to your anxiety? A simple anxiety coping skill is to simply turn them off or throw your cell phone out of a window. If you think I’m being dramatic, consider this – I’m a young guy that loves gadgets as much as the next, but for me social apps were contributing to anxiety I felt.
Now think about this – what did you do in your free time before 2005? I think I spent a lot less time worrying about missing out on someone’s current status or what they were doing. Problem is, that stuff is now available at our fingertips. What’s worse is, every thought you have can be displayed online for all to see, the good ones and the bad, and a lot of times they are there to hurt other people.If you’re bored you can scroll Facebook or Instagram.
If you’re waiting for your meal you can do the same, or if you’re sat on your sofa in the evening then you can check in. Whilst it’s good to stay in touch with others, some people can get addicted, or worse anxious folks can amplify their anxiety.The fear of missing out creeps in, the fear of not replying to messages quickly enough becomes an issue, and the fact you can be so easily available to contact can be daunting to some.Innovation is great when done properly, but I believe social networks are not healthy for the human biology.
We build relationships in person, by the movements of other peoples faces, expressions and the like. When we receive a digital message, we don’t know what tone it’s in, how we’re meant to take it, and it can easily lead to anxiety.More recent generations will start to see that they have trouble building long lasting relationships because many consider a ‘Facebook friend’ a real friend. The point is, if you find that you have more petty stress in your life than you did before 2005, delete the apps or leave them be. Resist the urge to check. It can be hard at first (because people even think you’re mad for not being on Facebook) but I tried it for 4 weeks and I found that my ‘free time’ exploded.It contributed to me starting this blog, getting back into exercise, and feeling more satisfied when not juggling or talking to so many people.
14. Be Like Buddha
I know what you’re probably thinking…”I don’t want to learn about Buddhism!” But, please bare with me on this one because it’s key…
I’m not a religious guy in any sense of the word. Whilst Buddhism has grown to be one of the worlds largest ‘religions’, there are some key teachings that anyone can take away and use. I have learned a great deal about emotional stability from exploring the basic teachings of Buddhism. For me, they make perfect sense, for you they might not, it’s all about finding what makes sense to you personally. I see my mind as a cake mixture that I can add ingredients to, or I that I can remove. Each ingredient adds a new element that contributes to how the end product looks and feels. That’s why it’s important for me to keep an open mind, separate my ego from myself, and be open minded of other beliefs.
The Buddha is said to of been a man who lived in riches, forever receiving what he wished for. For many, this would of been an ideal life, but for him, the materials he possessed made him feel empty inside. He wanted more from life than just fancy things, he wanted meaning and purpose.
The buddha teaches us that suffering (and in this case the suffering is anxiety) is caused by ego and attachment, in every sense. If we can drop our attachments to what we feel we ‘should have’, we can become more at ease with what we have inside.
Whilst this sounds a bit cliche, give it a thought. Most of the anxiety I have felt through my life has been from thinking I wasn’t good enough, or that I didn’t have what others had. I was anxious about what others thought of me, or whether I’d ever be able to buy the things I wanted.
However, it was all ego. A sense that I was entitled to the things I wanted, just because I wanted them badly. If the ego disappeared overnight, you wouldn’t care what others thought of you, what you didn’t have, or how much money you make. Instead you would find peace with yourself and a sense of liberation.
An article from Psychedelic Spotlight discusses this further, delving into the question of what is ego death and how it can be used as a form of transcendence for stimulating insights and personal growth. Some people buy new cars because they think that they will make them happy, or give other people a certain image of them. The truth is, everything is in a temporary state of existence. The happiness is, and so is the car itself. Both with fade in time. So instead of attaching your happiness to an object, what if you could separate your emotional attachment from it? No one wants their car to die, after all, it’s expensive and a pain to fix.
However if your happiness is only tied to being able to own a nice car, your happiness will eventually die with it. We all need a roof over our heads. The basic necessities are important to our survival. However it’s the things that we want, not with our heads, but with our emotions, that cause us a great deal of suffering.
The ego has its uses, but it can blind any man or woman easily.