A Simple Mindfulness Guide for People That Aren’t Monks

Mindfulness is right up there as one of the best habits I think you can start. It’s personally helped me to regulate my emotions better, feel more at ease with life, and generally slow down and appreciate the present moment while feeling more grateful all at the same time. It’s how I approach all of my cornerstone habits. I made this mindfulness guide to try and displace some of the myths surrounding the practice of mindfulness and clarify how you can actually use it.

After all, we’re normal people, not monks with multiple hours free to meditate. We want to know how we can apply things like mindfulness in our own lives without the fluff.

Note: I’ve tried to make this mindfulness guide as helpful as possible. If you find it useful, please consider bookmarking it and sharing it with someone you think can benefit from it!

So what is “mindfulness”?

Mindfulness is being in a state of non-judgement and patience. It is when you simply exist in the present moment, becoming the observer. You’re not aiming for anything. You’re not striving for anything.

There’s nothing else but you – right here, right now. A simple route to achieve this state of being is to follow the rhythm of your breathing as your starting point.

This is why “the breath” is used as the “anchor point” in many meditations. It’s your most primal function – the rhythm of your existence.

And this little pause in your day is a precious thing.

Let me explain why this is so precious in my own experience to give you an idea of how it benefits me and will hopefully benefit you too.

When I focus on “being” instead of striving, I open up another reality that exists parallel to all of us. It is a reality where all the pressure, all the stress of striving in life falls away and I am free to be as I am. It dissolves the ego and reminds me that I am okay and much of the things I concern myself with are nonsensical distractions in the grand scheme of things. Mindfulness is an attitude you choose to have.

Is this an easy state to achieve?

I’ll be honest with you – not at first. It takes patience and giving yourself permission to practise. This habit goes against the grain of our modern lives. But more on that later.

Before we get into the benefits, some simple examples of mindfulness in everyday life and some of the popular exercises, let’s look at the 9 attitudes of mindfulness to give you a simple overview of the mindful state of mind.

The 9 attitudes of mindfulness were designed by teacher Jon Kabat-Zinn, to bullet point the different areas of mindfulness that can help you to achieve this state of mind. So if you’re confused by the whole subject, this breakdown might make things clearer.

You can think of mindfulness as an overall attitude towards life. Here’s how;

The 9 attitudes of mindfulness

Non-judging – we are quick to label our emotions and thoughts as “good” or “bad” but mindfulness teaches us to be less judgmental and simply observe our current state.

Patience – we must be patient with ourselves in everything that we do. If we’re feeling stressed, we must give ourselves time to calm down. If we’re trying to complete a task, we must remember it might not get done as fast as we’d like. We must also be patient with others.

Beginner’s Mind – this is all about allowing ourselves to see the world as if we were children again, seeing everything for the first time so we can notice the finer details of the spaces around us.

Trust – we must also trust ourselves more, and do away with self-doubt. It’s important to have faith in ourselves, especially when it comes to being more mindful in our daily lives. It’s a process that won’t happen overnight and even when it does, it’s a habit we need to keep faith in to be able to reap the benefits.

Non-striving – this principle reminds us that we can be ambitious but we should learn to be content and present with the current moment and lift the pressure off ourselves when we hear that nagging voice in our head that tells us sometimes “we should be doing more”.

Acceptance – acceptance allows us to be at peace with the current moment, our current thoughts and emotions. Whatever is happening right now, we can learn to accept it and at the same time acknowledge that it doesn’t define us. We can be at ease with whatever is happening rather than becoming stressed and fighting it.

Letting go – mindfulness teaches us we can let go of the things that are bothering us. We can let go of the emotions or thoughts that we can get stuck with. It’s okay to let go of our fears and be at peace with the present moment, giving us the space to think with a clear head and look forward.

Gratitude – another attitude of mindfulness is gratitude, which is to give thanks for the things and people that make your life fantastic. A consistent practice of gratitude has been shown to improve anxiety and improved sense of well-being.

Generosity – finally, another way to be mindful is to practise generosity, helping others simply to make them happier without asking for anything in return.

The benefits of mindfulness

I’ve experienced many benefits from practising mindfulness, but here are some of the most studied benefits. For a full list of mindfulness studies, go here. But let’s lay them below in simple terms.

• Can reduce anxiety
• Can reduce depression
• Can improve good feelings and thoughts
• Can lower blood pressure
• Can improve focus
• Can help you improve your relationship with food
• Can help you reframe negative thoughts.

I can identify with all of the studied benefits above. And I think it makes sense. I give credit to mindfulness for helping me deal with depression and anxiety, for example, – not fully, but it played a huge part in my journey and still does.

The biggest benefit of mindfulness in my own life has been the way it has helped me to find calm when difficult emotions arise, essentially, improving my relationship with them. Mindfulness reminds me that “I am not my emotions” but instead experiencing them. They do not belong to me, I am simply experiencing them. And that goes for ‘positive’ emotions too.

A brief history of mindfulness

Mindfulness has been around for thousands of years. Many argue its roots stem from Hindu and Buddhist teachings. However, you can find similar teachings throughout the religious world and you can even find similar teachings dating back to Roman and Greek philosophers.

Mindfulness was popularized in the West many years later by Jon Kabat-Zinn who designed mindfulness-based stress reduction (M.B.S.R) and you can now find most health institutes teaching mindfulness as a way to deal with stress in our busy Western lives.

Jon Kabat-Zinn was a real pioneer and made the whole practice more accessible for people like you and me.

Why mindfulness is difficult for many people

With all of this, mindfulness seems pretty great. So, why is it so difficult for people to be more mindful?

I don’t just want to throw all the benefits of mindfulness at you and send you on your merry way. Instead, I want this mindfulness guide to be extremely helpful. I believe it’s important to realise why this practice is difficult to achieve, at least in the beginning.

As mentioned, the practice of mindfulness goes against the grain of everyday modern life, at least in most parts of the West.

Let me explain.

We live in a world that demands more from you. It is a world that needs more and more output. From the moment you walked into grade school to now, you’re told you need to aim higher, keep pushing and give more.

And that’s fine. There’s a time and a place for that.

But you likely were never told how to be – in a state of non-striving. This way of being also needs a time and a place.

Like me, you probably walk around looking through a filter – your beliefs are based on your experiences, what you see, and hear and what you’re told.

But mindfulness is the complete opposite of this. It’s about becoming the observer, not the participant. And this is where people struggle, question whether “it’s working” and ultimately, give up, call it nonsense and move on. It’s understandable, after all, it is darn difficult to move the idea of ‘yourself’ to the side and simply ‘be’ without your inner chatter overtaking.

So how do we get around this?

How to make mindfulness work

It sounds counterintuitive but to make mindfulness work, you almost have to stop trying, at least, stop trying so hard. When I first started practising mindfulness, I too found myself questioning if I was “doing it right”.

And it’s kind of self-defeating.

In my experience, you have to focus on the non-striving aspect of mindfulness. Leave your ego and expectations at the door and be willing to slow down. Be humble. If you can do this, you can create the space to become more mindful.

Giving yourself permission to exist as you melt away the silly expectations you have of yourself, the expectations others have of you, the image you’re trying to portray, your beliefs, and the emotional weight you’re carrying around.

It reminds you that you’re here and you’re okay just being as you are. It reveals how much of the noise around you is silly nonsense. And in my opinion, this is a beautiful thing.

But it’s important to remember that your judgy mind will pop up. And that’s okay. It happens to us all.

If you can give yourself permission, even just for 5 minutes to try this, you can begin to add little mindful moments into your day quite easily.

Popular mindfulness exercises

So let’s look at some of the most popular mindfulness exercises that you can use as a way to intentionally practice it. My biggest piece of advice to a newcomer is to be open-minded. Chuck your phone in another room and set aside 10 – 15 minutes to give these a go.

The more you melt away your ego, the more space you’ll find to be mindful, and therefore, find more calm and a sense of being present.

If you don’t feel calm when you start, that’s okay. Again, you’re not “trying to be calm”. You’re simply giving yourself space to begin and observe what happens in a non-judgmental way.

Once we’ve had a look at some popular mindfulness exercises, we’ll take a look at real-life examples of being mindful you can apply throughout your day.

1. Body scan

The body scan is one of the most popular mindfulness exercises and is a great way to bring awareness to your overall body. In my experience, it’s a great way to find a sense of calm and relaxation throughout your body, helping to release tension. Be careful though, this mindfulness exercise is also a great way to fall asleep!

So, here’s how to do it.

• Begin this exercise by finding somewhere comfortable to lie down. Slightly bend your knees so your feet can rest flat on the floor and rest the back of your hands on the floor. When you’re ready, close your eyes and bring your awareness to your breath. Spend a few minutes simply observing the feeling of your chest as it rises and falls with every breath.
• Next, bring your awareness to your feet and how they feel as they connect with the ground. Bring your awareness to your breath moving through your body and releasing tension through the end of your feet each time you exhale. Notice if you feel any sensations in your feet.
• Allow a minute before moving on to the next part of your body. If your mind wanders, gently bring your focus back to your body. With every inhale, watch as your focus increases and tension and tightness leave your body as you exhale.
• Continue this exercise moving up to your thighs, stomach, belly, hands, arms, back, neck, shoulders, mouth, eyes and forehead.
• Focus on each of these parts of your body with patience and compassion. Once you have finished, slowly open your eyes and gently wiggle your fingers and toes.

2. Thought observation

This mindful exercise is a cornerstone mindfulness activity. It is the practice of stepping back and observing your thoughts, without labelling them as “good” or “bad”. This is something that can be incredibly difficult to do at first.

However, it is a fantastic way to put space between yourself and the emotions and thoughts that seemingly spring up out of nowhere in your mind.

Here’s how to do it.

• Find somewhere comfortable to lie down so your whole body can relax. You can close your eyes if you’d like to. Begin to bring your awareness to your breath as air fills your lungs and expands your belly. Just breathe at a normal pace. If your mind wanders, gently bring your focus back to the normal rhythm of your breathing.
• There is no need to rush into this exercise, simply stay where you are, focusing on your breathing until a thought comes to you. It doesn’t matter what it may be.
• Instead of grabbing and examining your thoughts, observe them coming to you and notice how you feel within your body. You do not need to judge them, however. Gently observe them drifting away, making room for a different thought or the void of calmness.
• If it helps, you can imagine your thoughts coming to you as drifting clouds that keep moving or as leaves gently blowing in the wind. Continue the role of the observer, instead of the experiencer.
• These thoughts are around you, not within you and are constantly moving gently into your frame of vision before leaving again.
• During this exercise, bring your awareness to how your body feels as you simply observe your thoughts. Resist the urge to judge yourself if your attention or focus is lost. If this happens, bring your awareness back to your breathing and start again.

3. The Raisin

This mindfulness exercise focuses on the practice of “the beginner’s mind”. Remember when you were a child, and everything was new, interesting and exciting? Well, this exercise gives you space to bring about mindful curiosity once again. Admittedly, it can feel a little silly at first. After all, you’ve no doubt eaten raisins before. But put your expectations aside and give it a go.

This exercise is a great way of practising gratitude.

Here’s how to do it.

• Find somewhere comfortable to lie down so your whole body can relax. You can close your eyes if you’d like to. Begin to bring your awareness to your breath as air fills your lungs and expands your belly. Just breathe at a normal pace. If your mind wanders, gently bring your focus back to the normal rhythm of your breathing.
• There is no need to rush into this exercise, simply stay where you are, focusing on your breathing until a thought comes to you. It doesn’t matter what it may be.
• Instead of grabbing and examining your thoughts, observe them coming to you and notice how you feel within your body. You do not need to judge them, however. Gently observe them drifting away, making room for a different thought or the void of calmness.
• If it helps, you can imagine your thoughts coming to you as drifting clouds that keep moving or as leaves gently blowing in the wind. Continue the role of the observer, instead of the experiencer.
• These thoughts are around you, not within you and are constantly moving gently into your frame of vision before leaving again.
• During this exercise, bring your awareness to how your body feels as you simply observe your thoughts. Resist the urge to judge yourself if your attention or focus is lost. If this happens, bring your awareness back to your breathing and start again.

4. 3-minute breathing break

This mindful exercise is about bringing things back to basics and it is something you can do almost anywhere, anytime. It’s also a great way to ‘ground yourself’. To do this exercise, it might be helpful to have a timer that gently rings after each minute that passes.

Here’s how to do it.

• Spend 1 minute asking yourself how you are doing in your present moment.
• The next minute is spent bringing your full attention to only your breathing.
• The final minute is used to bring awareness to how your breathing affects the rest of your body and makes you feel in general in a non-judgmental way.

Examples of mindfulness in everyday life

The above mindfulness exercises are great. They are almost meditations but in order to make this mindfulness guide super helpful, I wanted to include some examples of mindfulness in everyday life. After all, it can be difficult to create meditation habits.

So, how do you approach life mindfully? In my experience, you embody the 9 attitudes of mindfulness purposefully. Here are some examples of using these mindful principles in daily life.

1. Getting upset with something

When you get upset over something, you’re left with negative feelings. Those negative feelings turn to negative thoughts and before you know it, you’re going over the situation in your head more and more, making it seem worse.

We end up being pretty hard on ourselves. Our inner dialogue quickly turns sour. We end up judging ourselves and labelling our thoughts as bad.

Taking a mindful approach to these situations allows us to take a moment and step back from being too judgmental. It helps to free us from labelling which reminds us that we are not the source of that negativity but the experiencer.

To apply this attitude when you’re next feeling upset about something and experiencing a flurry of negative thoughts, remind yourself, “I don’t need to label these thoughts as bad. I am experiencing them right now but they will pass just as they have in the past.”

2. Having patience with yourself if you don’t understand

Another great way to become frustrated is when you don’t understand something. You get that flustered feeling as if you think people think you should know what to do but you don’t. This is especially the case when you’re learning something new. Let’s imagine this is a new task at work.

When you expect too much of yourself, you can easily end up with a flurry of those negative thoughts and feelings. Patience allows you to remain calm.

It’s important to be patient with others and with yourself. You have to remind yourself that everyone has to start somewhere and, in most cases, you won’t achieve what you’re trying to achieve straight away.

And that’s okay. There’s no need to rush.

3. Staying curious and open-minded

In today’s world, it’s important to be open-minded. Today’s world is tribal, fixed in place and rigid when it comes to beliefs and opinions. However, part of being mindful is having a beginner’s mind. That means you keep your mind open to new ideas and look at the world with curiosity. This helps you to see different perspectives and not get tied up in limiting ideology.

When you adopt a beginner’s mind, you allow yourself to notice more. Many of us walk around at 100 MPH with our heads down. Children stop and examine everything from bugs to buildings with questions like, “How was this made?” and “How did this get here?” and “What does this do?”

As adults, it’s not reasonable to ask us to do this every time we walk past a lamppost. But you get the idea. Having a beginner’s mind means you find grateful curiosity for the world around you, opening your mind up like it once was as a child.

An example of applying the beginner’s mind in daily life would be sitting somewhere like a park where you can relax and watch “the world go by.” Imagine the lives of the people that walk by. Notice the colours of the leaves in the trees. Listen with intent as the birds sing around you.

Slow down at be curious about all the wonders the world has to offer.

4. Trust in yourself when you’re unsure

It might be fair to say we have lost our connection with our own intuition. But part of being mindful in daily life is about trusting in your own intuition and your ability. This means having the courage to trust in yourself and that you can develop your own wisdom as you continue to be more mindful.

An example of this would be the following.

Let’s imagine you are feeling stressed at work. You decide to come out of your office, sit in an empty room and practise a 3-minute breathing break to calm yourself down.

You finish your 3 minutes, unsure if you did it right or rushed it because you only feel slightly calmer and then head back to the office. It’s easy to second-guess yourself when it comes to being mindful, mostly because there are no real-world ways to measure if you’re “doing it right”.

But this is when you have to trust in yourself and the fact that every time you take these mindful breaks to recentre yourself, you’re creating a positive habit that over time you will develop more and more and feel more immediate benefit from.

5. Giving yourself permission to stop

If you’re anything like me, you find yourself sitting around at home on the weekends feeling like “you should be doing something.” I feel bad if I’m not working on something. It’s something I’ve had to become more aware of. After all, everyone needs to relax at times so you can restore your energy.

The mindful attitude of non-striving can help with this.

And for me, this is a very important principle of mindfulness. I believe you have to give yourself permission to be in a state of non-striving because the natural human condition is to continuously innovate and do more. So this can be a tricky one to get your head around.

To practice non-striving, consider having a day, perhaps a Sunday, where you set your expectations to the side. Go with the flow and enjoy each moment for what it is, however, it comes to you.

6. Accept things for what they are

Another important aspect of mindfulness is acceptance which can be applied to so many different areas of life and is a habit that I try and use every day, mostly because there are so many things you cannot control. You also can’t control the thoughts that come to your head, no matter how hard you try.

Furthermore, you can’t always control the way you feel. Sometimes you wake up and don’t feel in a great mood and that’s okay. Every day is different.

And so acceptance becomes something incredibly important. For example, when you’re feeling anxious or upset, you can take a pause and accept that it’s normal to feel those things in your life. You must accept you are not perfect and there will be times you’re not as happy as you can be, and that’s normal, that’s okay.

Acceptance frees you from striving all the time to make things change. It reminds you there are many things you can’t change and so you must accept them for what they are. This is an incredibly freeing mindfulness attitude when practised regularly.

7. Give yourself permission to let go

Only you can give you permission to let go. Let go of your fears, let go of anxiety, and let go of trying to control things that are out of your control. Once you let go of these things, you find yourself with a clearer mind. There’s less clutter and more room for mindfulness.

Most people don’t realise they have the power to let things go. They feel trapped with negative emotions. One thing that has helped me let go is coming to the realisation that I am the only one that can perceive my own world, therefore, I can decide how I would like to perceive it.

Holding onto negative feelings only harms me. At any time I can release them and instead become the observer, not the owner.

Practise this attitude in real life the next time something upsets you. Decide to let it go right there and then. Do not hold onto it, allowing it to harm you. Set it loose and move on.

8. Reflect on the things that make your life better

Another way to have a mindful attitude is to focus more on what you’re grateful for. Instead of striving and pining after what you don’t have, gratitude teaches us to appreciate what we already have. And this can understandably sound a bit woo-woo. But this is something I’d argue we don’t do enough of. I’d say that gratitude is the ying to hustle culture’s yang. It’s the antidote when you’re feeling you’re “failing”.

How often do you reflect on what makes your life great already? More importantly, what are the small things that you love in life? For example, it could be the first cup of coffee you drink in the morning or the half an hour you get to yourself each week to work out.

Cultivating an attitude of gratitude is an important aspect of mindfulness. It helps you to invite more positivity into your life and reminds you just how good things are in the present.

You don’t need to spend long practising gratitude either. Just take a moment to reflect on what makes your life great. A good way to do this is to imagine you don’t have those things anymore. Imagine yourself without them and how much you would miss them. This exercise always reinforces my feelings of appreciation for the tiny to the large things that light up my life.

If you want to go all out with gratitude, you can consider writing in a gratitude journal. Regularly writing in a gratitude journal has been shown to boost well-being as demonstrated here.

9. Think about how you can help others

Another way you can become more mindful in your day-to-day is to focus on generosity and how you can serve other people. This doesn’t mean you need to volunteer a Saturday afternoon to help feed the homeless (although that would be great), it can mean adding small little acts into your day like holding the door open for people, complimenting them, helping someone carry their bags, giving them your last candy or buying a loved on some flowers just for the sake of being kind.

The idea is to be generous whenever the opportunity arises, even if you’re being generous with your time (when you realistically can). The goal is to cultivate an attitude of generosity that will open up the doors to the other attitudes of mindfulness.

Mindfulness is a practice of compassion and patience and these 9 attitudes can help you to reach that state of being on a daily basis.

How to stay mindful all day

I won’t lie. I don’t think you can stay mindful all day long. I’m not sure it’s possible. After all, you have work demands, children to think about, bills to pay and endless distractions.

But…I do think you can be mindful for a large percentage of the day.

Here’s how:

1. Perform a mindful activity in the morning before you do anything else

If you want to enjoy the benefits of mindfulness, it makes sense to set the tone for the rest of the day by performing a mindfulness exercise in the morning. It could be a mindfulness exercise from the above list or it could be something simple like;

• Take a moment after you wake up to practise gratitude
• Take a bath without your phone, close your eyes and pay attention to how the water feels on your skin
• Write in a journal or diary
• Immerse in gentle exercise without the TV on or your phone playing music
• Prepare your breakfast with healthy foods
• Stretch to some calming music for ten minutes

2. Take mindful breaks during the day

You can’t take 5 minutes here and there to go and meditate during the work day but you can spend a few minutes practising a mindfulness exercise that won’t make your colleagues think you’re weird.

• Stretch your body. Tense your muscles and then relax them. Start with your feet and make your way through your whole body, paying attention to how your muscles feel as you tense and then relax them.
• Practise deep breathing as you work. You don’t have to do this loudly. Simply slow your breathing. Hold each breath for longer before exhaling for just as long. Do this for several minutes, paying attention only to your breathing.
• Set a timer and work on one thing at a time without distraction. If invasive thoughts come to you, gently tell them you’ll talk to them “later”.

3. Notice your distractions and bring your mind back to the present

As mentioned, there are a bazillion different things that pull your attention. To be mindful for long periods, you need to bring your awareness back to the present moment. Things will test you throughout the day so it’s important to be patient with yourself.

It’s not helpful to try and force yourself to be mindful. Instead, go easy and deal with what you need to before gently bringing your attention back to the present moment.

One of the best ways I have been able to live mindfully throughout the day is by being patient with other people. Other people are rushing around, understandably. But it’s important to remember that the only thing you can control is your reactions.

Instead of reacting emotionally, react mindfully. Remember that things can only bother you if you allow them to.

Your phone is also a distraction that can be a real hindrance when you’re trying to be mindful. Of course, it’s become a device we all use and need in today’s world but to be mindful during the day, you should consider putting it away or in another room, especially when you’re trying to spend quality time with other people.

The temptation to open it up to check notifications is something most of us get sucked into without even realising it.

4. Do something mindful as you wind down in the evening

Finish off your day by doing something mindful in the evening. This could be something like reading a book, talking to a relative or going for a walk. Make it a ritual, a time in the day that is free from distraction. Make it a priority and everything else can wait.

You could also reflect on your day by writing in a journal or diary. This could even be the time of your day when you practice gratitude. The possibilities are endless.

The aim is to do an activity that creates an environment where you’re present and calm. A perfect way to do this is to turn the TV off and perform a 5-minute breathing exercise before bed, calming your body and signalling to your body it’s time to calm down and drift off into a deep sleep.

In conclusion

Mindfulness is a state of mind that can be achieved in many different ways. However, focusing on the 9 attitudes of mindfulness is a great place to start. These attitudes are actionable in everyday life and in my experience, can cultivate a more positive, compassionate mindset that can also help you to regulate and become more comfortable with uncomfortable emotions.