Most of our childhoods were filled with watching lots of Disney films. Lots of innocent, funny Disney films. However, there’s one story that serves as a perfect metaphor for not wanting to grow up, the very thing more and more young people are facing. It’s often referred to as a kind of “not wanting to grow up syndrome.” Which film am I talking about? Peter Pan of course! Peter Pan was one of my favourite films when I was a kid. I loved the idea that Peter could escape to a kind of fantasy world where he had lots of friends and had the ability to stay young forever.

The Peter Pan syndrome is dangerous because it can have dramatic effects in later life, halt social development, and the ability to deal with stressful situations. I personally know several people that I believe suffer from this syndrome and it can be a frustrating thing to watch. In fact, I was close to suffering this myself if I’m honest…

What Is The Peter Pan Syndrome?

We can’t really argue with Peter’s wish of eternal youth. Realising the responsibilities of adulthood can be a scary thing and make anyone want to cling onto their care-free childhood. Peter Pan wasn’t trying to keep his youthful looks intact though, he stayed in Neverland because he wanted to stay in a world without any real responsibility.

The Peter Pan syndrome is exactly that. It is when an individual does everything in their power to avoid growing up – an inevitable thing that happens to everyone. The Peter Pan syndrome is one that causes individuals to avoid real responsibility, and instead, continue to behave as a child would into adulthood.

Peter Pan Syndrome Metaphors

Neverland – this represents the childhood place the individual wants to remain in. It could be a physical place like their bedroom where they play video games excessively.

Peter Pan – The child that didn’t want to grow up.

Captain Hook – The person that Peter sees himself growing into, thus wanting to further avoid adulthood.

Wendy – The character that enables Peter to remain in a child-like state, but who then ultimately decides to grow up. This represents other people around the sufferer who do choose their sacrifice and decide to take on their responsibilities.

The lost boys – Those like Peter who refuse to grow up and face responsibility.

Tinkerbell – The imaginary fairy that entices Peter into a fantasy world, much like childhood activities.

The Peter Pan Syndrome Symptoms

Dabbling – Those who suffer from Peter Pan syndrome often find themselves jumping from thing to thing, never being able to truly commit. By doing this, they never learn enough about something to become an expert at it. After dabbling continuously, they then jump to the next thing. For example, they might have a hard time staying in a job for longer than a year because they feel as if something else would be better.

Blaming others for your failures – another Peter Pan syndrome trait is blaming your failures on others, and never being able to take full responsibility for your current circumstances. As a child, it’s easy to blame adults for suppressing you, but some people take that “it’s not fair” attitude into adulthood. This leads to a continuous road of dead ends.

Avoiding socialising – Like a child that sulks in his or her bedroom, blaming others, those who suffer from Peter Pan syndrome often have a hard time making meaningful connections with others. This can be because socialising with those “have grown up” can be difficult when you can’t relate to them.

Yearning for nostalgia – Those who have Peter Pan syndrome often find themselves stuck in time mentally. They quite literally refuse to grow up and get on with their adult lives. They also suffer from yearning over the past, forever chasing a time gone by when they were a child, free of any kind of responsibility.

Taking drugs – When you’re a teenager it’s quite common to experiment with drugs like cannabis for example. Those who avoid growing up tend to continue these bad habits into adulthood. Smoking weed from time to time is not as bad as relying on the drug that you associate with the good times of when you were younger. And that can be the problem, people with Peter Pan syndrome often rely on the drug they took in their youth to take them, and hopefully keep them back there. If this drug-taking descends into addiction, it may be necessary to seek out professional help at Arista Recovery or similar, which will offer a range of treatment options.

Clinging to short-sighted dreams – When you’re a child, you imagine all of the crazy things you could do with your life. You have dreams about becoming an actor, artist, or a famous singer for example. However, before you know it, you’re 30 years old and you’ve done nothing to move in the direction of your dreams. Those suffering from Peter Pan syndrome continue to dream up elaborate futures, without actually putting in the work to try to achieve them.

What Causes The Peter Pan Syndrome?

It’s not fully understood why the Peter Pan syndrome occurs, but it appears to be something that Millenials in particular ‘suffer’ from. It could be that those within the Millenial age range are living at home with their parents for longer due to high rent and mortgage costs.

It could also be due to overbearing parenting, causing young people to be unequipped emotionally when they reach adulthood and move out on their own.

Peter Pan Syndrome Example

Someone close to me suffers from this “not wanting to grow up syndrome”. They probably wouldn’t admit it, but it’s very obvious from the outside. You probably know people like this too. This individual spent a long time in a relationship that was no good for them. They continued to heavily smoke drugs into their adulthood and continue to do so now. They have managed to tie drugs into their personality so much that they simply believe it is part of who they are.

This person has bounced from job to job, never settling and showing any sign of commitment. The types of jobs they have done have been during anti-social hours, and the perfect kind of jobs that allowed them to live in a completely different reality from the rest of society.

This person is also a very stubborn person, the kind of person who seeks advice as patronising or taking it as a kind of weakness. They simply cannot be reasoned with and exist only in their own child-like mind. Like a child, they are hypersensitive to any kind of criticism, showing that they are not as emotionally mature as someone who had grown to develop a thicker skin.

They are very quick to blame others for their mistakes and continue to run from them, forever fleeing from the adulthood that is already upon them.

Peter Pan syndrome quite literally traps you in your childhood but your circumstances continue to change as you get older. This makes it harder to deal with adult situations when you’re always running from commitment and responsibility. The problem with adulthood is, it’s inevitable. It’s quite simply unavoidable.

Those who suffer from Peter Pan syndrome often end up like the person I’m describing – alone and isolated from others, even family, blaming everyone but themselves for their mistakes. They don’t understand why “life is so unfair to them”, even though it is quite obvious to others that all they need to do is grow up and take responsibility for themselves.

How To Escape the Peter Pan Syndrome

Whilst the cause of the syndrome can’t always be pinpointed, there are ways to overcome it. This is something someone who is suffering from Peter Pan syndrome have to do themselves because after all, they need to take on the responsibilities of adulthood themselves.

Let go of the past – It’s important for anyone transitioning into adulthood to let go of the past and leave it there. Those who suffer from the syndrome usually feel as if the past was better than it was, and their present is worse than it actually is.

Take on responsibility – Probably the largest symptom of Peter Pan syndrome is avoiding any kind of responsibility. Perhaps it is not committing to a job, a relationship, or children. The best way to overcome the syndrome is to start taking on responsibility. Half of the battle is understanding that life by its very nature is based on responsibility. There is a responsibility to look after one another, ourselves, and the environment around us. People who avoid all responsibility tend to do so so that they can’t be blamed for anything – much like a child.

To be a useful adult, you have to take on responsibility and commit to adult life.

Choose your sacrifice – Dr Jordan Peterson says that “you have to choose your own damn sacrifice or it will choose you, and you won’t realise it until you’re 30, or worse, 40.” What he means is, if you don’t commit to anything, you’ll wake up in your middle age and realise you’ve been living in a fantasy world, much like Peter Pan did. And it’s not about knowing what you want to do with yourself, it’s simply about choosing something and committing yourself to it.

Those with Peter Pan syndrome bounce from thing to thing, trying to cling onto the days when they could sit around and smoke weed all day, all the while their peers are experiencing rich meaningful family lives, and socialise with others their age.  Whether it’s taking responsibility for your relationships with your family, or your own future, taking on some of the weight that comes with that is the only way to grow emotionally and mentally.

Commit fully – You have to give things a fair chance. When you’re a child, you’re nothing but potential. It’s easy to ditch something when you don’t initially like it because you think you’ve still got bundles of time to figure out what you do like. When you’re a 30-something, you don’t quite have the same luxury. In my opinion, it’s immature to ditch a job for example, if you’ve only been there for six months. Committing to things for longer periods of time gives you a better understanding of what you like, but also what you can tolerate.

Avoid unproductive things – If you’re the type of person who plays video games all night, bunks of work to go to gigs, or spend your time taking drugs, it might be time to grow up. You can argue what an adult should spend their time doing, but the truth is, an adult doesn’t have the luxury of not worrying about the future. There are certain things they have to think about if they want to make sure their lives are secure.

Those with Peter Pan syndrome focus on present pleasures, rather than putting in the groundwork for a better future. Much like a child that wants to play out all night, they don’t care that they’ll be tired the next day. Taking this mentality into adulthood leaves you in a continuous loop of feeling as if you’re not getting anywhere.

Instead of taking drugs or messing around, spend your time doing more productive things like finding ways to support yourself financially, or exercising your body as it keeps getting older.

The Wendy Syndrome

Wendy was Peter’s female counterpart from the Peter Pan story who was always trying to look after him. Psychologist Dan Kiley first coined the terms “Peter Pan syndrome” and “Wendy syndrome” back in 1983. Whilst he first started to describe the Peter Pan syndrome, he later went on to describe the Wendy syndrome as women who act as mothers to their partners, or those men close to them so as removing the burden of responsibility from them.

Wendy takes on the decision making responsibility for the Peter character. This can be seen with overprotecting mothers. The problem with the Wendy character is, she is just stalling the time when Peter must grow up and take responsibility for himself. She enables him for a certain period of time before she realises she can’t help him any longer and must leave him when he decides to stay in Neverland.

Because the syndrome often affects the Peter character and the Wendy character simultaneously, it is recommended that both receive psychological treatment to resolve the issue. Quite often the Peter Pan character can’t exist without the enabler in his life – whoever the Wendy character might be.