The Forgotten Self-Care Act of Stillness

Dear mindful reader,

When was the last time you stopped and did nothing?

In my experience, being able to live a happier, more energised life requires moments of stillness. From the moment you wake up to the moment you go to bed, your attention is pulled from pillar to post.

Now more than ever, someone or something needs your eyes. It wants to feed on your emotional battery.

We use so much of our emotional batteries on other things, other people, that there’s little left for us.

We’re so overwhelmed by stimulants that we’ve forgotten how important it is to be still.

And I’m not talking about being lazy. I’m talking about a self-care act that most people don’t think about, but in my experience, it’s the most important. And it doesn’t require cash for foot baths, fancy candles or massages.

Self-care is simply stopping

I’m big on self-improvement, but not in the same way as most people.

I believe the most important thing you can do for your mental wellbeing is allowing yourself time to think. And this is an important point. In my experience, you have to give yourself permission to stop and have moments where you don’t need to be someone to someone or go and do something.

You have to be intentional.

You will always have family, work or children that need your attention. And that’s okay.

But even just 5 or 10 minutes in your day to be still can work wonders for your long-term wellbeing.

That’s been the case for me, someone who thinks at a million mph.

Our days are filled with tasks that need to be done and some that don’t. It’s easy to fill our time so we don’t get bored.

But we’ve forgotten how to be okay with being bored.

I used to hate boredom. It used to agitate me. These days, I appreciate being bored. Being bored is a time when you can truly think. I no longer think of being bored as “bad”.

It’s a time when it’s just you with nothing to do, a perfect time to be mindful and be still. It’s a time when you can recharge your emotional battery.

Stillness requires boundaries

So, how do you find time to be still in today’s world?

Boundaries.

I used to try to be everything to everyone. I was a people pleaser for as long as I can remember. I never wanted to let people down. I was always thinking about how other people felt and not how I felt.

But striving to be that person leaves little in the tank for you.

And so it eventually became clear that I would have to set some boundaries in my life if I were to escape the emotional exhaustion of trying to always please.

It didn’t mean blocking people out of my life completely. It just meant saying “No” more often to things that I didn’t really want to do because I knew I needed time to myself. I stopped doing things that pleased other people but didn’t make me feel good.

• I stopped going out drinking as much
• I stopped going to people’s houses full of negative energy
• I stopped offering to help every chance I got

My boundaries gave me little pockets of time to think again. And with that stillness, mental clarity began to come back to me. My emotional battery began to recharge a little more than usual.

I still go out and see friends from time to time, but only when it makes sense because I’ve learned that I need time to be still and gather myself.

Practising being still

Practice stillness more often in your own life by changing how you use the little pockets of time in your day.

They’re the little moments when you could easily be doing something mindless to fill time.

For example;

• Take your lunch outside and eat it on your own without distractions or chatter for a midday decompress
• Use the first 10 minutes after you wake up to sit with a drink without the TV on
• Run yourself a bath once you get in from work, and leave your phone in the other room for 15 minutes
• Go and sit at a quiet cafe or somewhere in nature on a Saturday morning for half an hour or so.

These little moments seem trivial, but you can find a great sense of release and clarity in them amongst your busy week.

Whilst you’re practising stillness, allow your thoughts to come to you freely. Don’t judge them. Just be with them, whatever they are.

Notice whatever comes to you, you are safe. Just find a simple gratitude in the pause.

We’ve forgotten that it’s okay not to strive around the clock. We don’t need to fill every hour of the day. If we give ourselves permission to have moments of stillness, we can use our emotional batteries for ourselves and find more clarity, more mental energy and less tension in our bodies.

Keep it simple.