What is the secret to being happy? Isn’t that the golden question? Isn’t that what drives people to do great things, and others to go down dark paths chasing things they’re not even sure they really want? Some people will say that to be happy you have to have a big house, lots of kids, and a secure job. Others will tell you that happiness is being free, and not being tied down to anything. That’s because happiness is subjective to each individual.

The pursuit of happiness is different for everyone, but I believe there is one key thing that will allow you to have an overall happy, and stable mind. Allowing myself this one thing through my anxiety and depression has made me happier. I say happier, because I believe happiness changes along with how our lives change. If you think about it, you don’t suddenly become happy one day and then bathe in that happiness for the rest of your life. It’s always a work in progress as you overcome new challenges. That’s why it’s so important to adapt and accept.

So whilst happiness is subjective to each individual, the secret to being happy as I go through life is perspective. Having the perspective to know that things will change, there will be obstacles, and that I won’t suddenly become happy and not have to work on it, gives me peace of mind, which then leads to contemptment. The issue I see everyday is people trying to run and hide from adversity. We are programmed from our youth to avoid, avoid, avoid.

For example, your parents and teachers tell you;

 

“focus on what you’re good at”

“don’t do that if you don’t like it”

“If you find it hard, try something else”

“take the safer route”

 

So whilst our family and educators might only want the best for us, we’re not trained to face challenges. Noone wants to feels sad, be told that they’re not very good at something, or that they can’t do something. The issue arises like this –

 

“If we don’t face and overcome things, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we get left behind and die.”

 

The truth is, these things happen. Difficult situations do occur. They occur but we aren’t equipped to deal with them when they arise. Because we don’t know who to deal with them, we simply implode. We turn to drink or drugs, become depressed or anxious, and feel as if our lives are over. I believe that we don’t naturally have the perspective on things that will bring us mental peace, and then happiness. So whilst many other personal development sites might tell you to ‘focus on what you love to be happy‘, I’m not going to tell you that. Whilst doing what you love helps give you a sense of purpose, seeing the bigger picture not only helps you put things into perspective, but allows you to understand that ‘problems’ are a part of life.

And so it’s easy for me to tell you ‘get some perspective’, but how do you really go about that? There are a few things that can cloud you perspective. By eliminating them, you can gain the perspective over your life that’s stopping you from being happy, and thus, the secret to being happy, in my experience…

 

1. You’re Too Impatient

 

Do you get impatient easily? If you get impatient about things that you feel like you ‘should have’, or ‘need’ right now, you’re going to make yourself very unhappy. It’s great to strive for the things that you want in life, but you’re going to end up torturing yourself when you physically can’t reach these things yet. For example, right now I want to get a house. I want it so badly for myself and my family, but I know that I just can’t afford it in my current situation. We have tortured ourselves in the past by looking at what others have, and by feeling like we deserve those things too. I didn’t want to accept defeat, and carried on complaining about it for years. Instead of making the right moves to get to that goal, I just sat around feeling like I was a failure.

The reality is, one day I’ll get my own house, and until then I will spend my time looking forward to it, instead of feeling sorry for myself. Instead of thinking about the ‘here and now’, I have allowed myself to look into the future and see my life from a ‘bird’s eye’ view. The issue is we get ourselves wrapped up, and we want everything now, now, now. Things take time to happen, no matter what you do, so gaining patience is vital to also getting perspective.

 

2. You Care Too Much About Others Opinions

 

I see this all day long. Everyone I know seems to care more about what other people think of them, than how they think of themselves. By seeking outside approval on everything you do, how will you ever be truly happy? I’ve learned by overcoming anxiety that to be content with where you are in life, you have to stop trying to impress other people and start being okay with yourself. You need to accept yourself and work on yourself, for yourself. I can honestly say that as I get older, I care less and less about what other think, or their opinions. I’ve got to the point where I’m finally ready to take some responsibility for my own life and not make each play based on what friends or relatives think I should be doing.

It’s easy to rely on others to pick you up when you’re down. However, when you get back home and you’re sat in a quiet room, can you ask yourself if you’re honestly content in that moment? or do you feel the need to start scrolling through Facebook? My own Facebook detox taught me a lot. Call it my opinion, but turning my phone off from social media has been a real eye-opener. I learned something. I looked at things like Facebook from a different perspective. I realised that people are posting things on there to make it seem like they are happy.

However if you truly were content, would you feel the need to post what you’re doing on Facebook? I would argue that you would be so wrapped up in the moment that you wouldn’t need to validate it with your ‘friends’. To support this idea, I also realised that my friends who don’t post very much on Facebook are the people I know that are also the most content. These are the people who are busy, and feel no need to splash their lives on the internet.

If you’re posting your every move online, ask yourself why you’re doing it, and actually be honest with yourself.

 

3. You’re Playing The Victim

 

Why is it that some people seem like they are happy all the time? Do they know the secret to being happy whilst the rest of us scratch our heads? As I mentioned above, you might be constantly running from the problems in your life. You might be allowing yourself to be a victim of the ‘bad’. For example, I know people who are extremely kind hearted, but no matter how much they try and get their lives in order, they slip back into depression and trouble. Drink follows them and so so the drugs.

Whilst we all go through hard times, some of us say this;

 

“Poor me, nothing goes right for me, I should just give up”

 

And whilst you might think that’s a little harsh, I’m all about being honest here. Some of us really do just play the victim without stopping and asking ourselves why we behave the way we do. I get it, it can be scary to actually ask ourselves these exposing questions. However if we can’t be honest with ourselves, how can we expect others to take us seriously? If we allowed ourselves the perspective to look at our lives from someone else’s shoes, we might be shocked by what we see. The problem is, most of us think that we’re right all the time, and we don’t like to be told what to do. Although we shouldn’t care too much what other people have, or what they think of us, their are exceptions like our family.

Family only want the best for you (most of the time). A Person who can’t be reasoned with is a person who will never get perspective on their lives, and a person without perspective will ultimately fail. The secret to being happy isn’t complicated. All we really have to do is open our eyes and be honest with ourselves.

 

The Secret To Being Happy And Content Is Not So Much A Secret

 

So now you know what I think the secret to happiness is. As I said above. This has allowed me to gain control back from the anxiety and depression I felt for so many years. Not being tied up in the present moment, but also being content with it has been key.

If you think you know the secret to being happy in your own life, I’d live it if you left a comment below.

Here’s to your success,

Sean