Hair loss is something that affects most men at some stage in their life and being able to accept hair loss is one of the only things that can help to set you free from the emotional stress of it all. Worrying about hair loss has been something that I’ve been preoccupied with for the last thirteen years. It’s been a hell of a long time since I first started to see my hairline moving back and that was back when I was in school, just seventeen years old.
As you can imagine I was freaked out. I remember feeling ten years older in that one moment in front of the mirror. From then on I was in denial, hoping that I wouldn’t be one of the many men that lose all of their hair.
I was the kid with the gelled hair. In fact, I was the one who made it trendy in my primary school. The day I asked for hair gel and went to school wearing it was the week all the other boys did too. I loved styling my hair and using different products.
As I reached my late teens I was still in denial and hoping that I might just lose a little and then mother nature would stop with her cruel game. Most of my friends didn’t seem to be losing their hair and so I became angry and bitter. Why me? I just couldn’t accept it.
I was so worried about my hair loss and ‘the loss of my youth’. The way I saw it, if I lost my hair I’d feel so old. I wanted the choice of being able to style my hair or not. I felt as if I was being robbed of something that I loved. I was finding myself going through an ongoing grieving process as more and more hair fell out over the years.
Like most people, I searched the internet for solutions. I found out that there are two treatments that actually stop hair loss and might even reverse it. These are the two products that have been approved by the FDA. These were Minoxidil and Finasteride. Basically, anything else that people claim to work was purely anecdotal or simply not true.
Early on I realised that I didn’t want to mess around with my hormones, especially so young and so I didn’t want to take finasteride. Basically, it interrupts testosterone and its byproducts and works to stop hair loss in most men but its side effects can be horrific, to say the least.
The other topical solution was super expensive and I realised that I’d have to use it for the rest of my life. Neither of these solutions seemed like the answer. So, I carried on in denial and hoped that all of my hair wouldn’t fall out one day.
This is the typical process that most guys I speak to go through. Denial > research > purchase some bullshit product > realise it doesn’t work > take meds > don’t take meds. Then, they either continue with medication for years, get hair transplants or just accept hair loss and move on. Many guys think that hair transplants are the only answer.
The problem though is that you have to take meds along with them and the transplants themselves can run into the thousands. The choice seemed simple to me; mess around with your hormones or accept hair loss.
I’ve had many ups and downs since I first noticed my hairline going south but it was only recently that I decided to completely buzz my head and say “to hell with it!”
Enough styling my hair so it looked like I had more…
Enough powdering my hair with fibres and ruining my pillows…
Enough avoiding swimming pools and rainy days…
Accepting hair loss in quarantine
The coronavirus has caused us all to stay home for the foreseeable future. I always told myself that if I could have two or three months off work then I’d buzz my head and see what it looked like so I had enough time before I had to go back to work.
Stuck indoors for weeks on end I cut my hair shorter and shorter. I was getting sick of all the hair sprays and trickery and wanted to finally pull the trigger and be free of it all.
I grabbed my trimmer the other day and I went for it.
I decided to opt for acceptance.
I buzzed my head down to a number one and instantly felt free. I felt like I had the freedom I had when I had a full head of hair.
Losing your hair as a man is a process and I know that not everyone is going to be in a place of acceptance yet. However, if you don’t want to break the bank, have multiple hair transplants and put garbage in your hair for the rest of your life, accepting hair loss is the only other alternative.
There are many stages of the hair loss acceptance process and each man will find himself in one at any one point in time unless you are one of the very few that experience pretty much no hair loss whatsoever (these guys are very, very rare.)
The acceptance of hair loss process
The hair loss acceptance process is a long and emotional road for most men. Some men get over it quickly but some go through each stage of the process before finally accepting their hair loss.
Denial – First of all, you may deny your hair loss and hope that what you’re seeing in the mirror isn’t really hair loss. You might even post a few pictures to hair loss forums and ask if you’re balding. Noticing the first signs of hair loss is scary for a lot of guys and so it’s easier to be in denial when you still have a lot of hair on your head.
Research – Once you’ve realised that you’re actually losing your hair, you might find yourself researching hair loss cures online. This is a bottomless rabbit hole that you can easily get lost in though. Down this rabbit hole, you can also easily find yourself being tricked by people claiming their products are cures for hair loss. With desperate guys looking for the cure, many people are trying to make a quick buck by conning you.
Purchase – Once you’ve done some research you might then go ahead and order some kind of product that claims to regrow your hair. You may find yourself pumped by the claims that this product works and start to take it day after day, nervously looking in the mirror for any sign of hair growth on your head.
Realise it doesn’t work – Once you’ve spent months trying out snake oil products, you finally realise that they don’t work. You put all your hopes into the rubbish you bought online and now you’re pissed because you feel as if you’ve been conned.
Become depressed – By this point, you might find yourself depressed because you’ve tried that stuff that everyone online claims to work but it hasn’t worked for you. You still wake up in the morning and see no sign of the hair you used to have and now you know for a fact that the only options you have can be counted on one hand.
Take meds – Once you’ve realised that the only thing that can help you regain some hair is meds or a hair transplant you might bite the bullet and go down this road, costing you a tonne of time and cash for the rest of your life
Acceptance – The other option you might be driven to is acceptance. After many worried months and years you might find yourself so worked up that you just go ahead and shave your head and own it for what it is.
Stop worrying about hair loss and overcome it with these points
As I mentioned, I had been dealing with the worry of hair loss for nearly half of my life. It took up a great deal of my headspace and my time, in general, having to style my hair each day. I honestly got to the point where I hated my hair because it was so time-consuming.
The below points are some of the things that helped me to stop worrying about hair loss, accept it, and helped me to finally buzz my hair. Hopefully, they will help you too on your journey.
1. It happens to pretty much all men at some point in their lives
According to the American Hair Loss Association, by the age of 35, two-thirds of men will have experienced some kind of hair loss. By the age of 50, 85% of men will have experienced some degree of hair loss. So, hair loss is incredibly common.
A lot of men go completely bald and have the ‘horse-shoe look’ where they still grow out their hair on the sides, some men’s hairlines have gone back significantly and some men’s hair has thinned all over. It’s easy to think that as men we should naturally have our locks of hair throughout our lives.
There are actors and many people in the public eye who have thick wavey hair right into their 70’s. The truth is, many of these people have had hair transplants, are on drugs to combat hair loss or are wearing wigs. It’s even debatable on whether the president of the United States’ hair is real or not!
Some men will go to very strange lengths to hide their hair loss. But it’s so common and normal that even the biggest names in sports and film experience it just like the average Joe. I don’t want to single him out but John Travolta had been wearing a wig for years, unable to accept his hair loss. He had a thick head of hair when he played the lead role in Grease and that become his trademark look. However, it seems he has now accepted his hair loss.
At a very young age, Michael Jordan, a basketball superstar started thinning throughout his hair. Instead of messing around with drugs, Jordan decided to shave his head and be done with it, inspiring millions to do the same thing.
2. A shaved head looks good!
Luckily, it’s not the 1950’s anymore. People don’t judge other people when they see a shaved head. More to the point, a shaved head looks good, especially when you combine it with a decent beard. Admittedly, some people think that they don’t look good with a shaved head and some look better than others but the truth is, it looks so much better than thinning hair.
People in the limelight such as The Rock, Jason Statham and Bruce Willis have also made it more mainstream. These guys look great with a shaved head and they’ve all embraced their hair loss. They all have the money for expensive drugs to hang on to their hair but they’ve decided to accept their hair loss and just have it off instead.
It’s interesting how much better people look when they finally shave off their thin hair. We get to a point where we’re so worried about our hair loss that we spend so much time trying to cover it up. Most of the time, we don’t realise how good it can actually look once it’s taken off!
A shaved head these days is more of a fashion choice than a last resort for balding men. Once you try it you might find that you absolutely love it. You’ll stop worrying about hair loss finally and get on with your life!
3. Cutting your hair off is incredibly freeing
As mentioned, most of us fuss over our hair for years. It becomes all we can think about as we try to frantically ‘hang on to our youth’. It can be exhausting, all the research, all the experiments and no results. You literally become a slave to your hair as you try and figure out how to grow it back.
However, when you shave the last of your hair off, you instantly feel free and at ease again. Sure, it can take a while for you to get used to the person looking back in the mirror but you can also feel as if a huge weight has been lifted from your entire life – this is exactly how I felt.
I no longer felt like a slave to my hair. There was a feeling of ease and lightness. I even liked my new look as soon as I shaved the last bits of hair off. It was very satisfying cutting the longer bits off that I used to disguise my hair loss. It was like a little ‘win’ for me against my hair loss.
As a culture and as men we can get wrapped up in the way we look – especially when we’re young. Our appearance becomes everything. However, as I’ve learned to deal with depression and anxiety in my life I’ve learned that these kinds of things are really unimportant and instead it’s about what kind of person you are. Sure I still want to look as best I can but your looks become less important when you’re faced with real challenges.
4. Fighting hair loss is expensive and exhausting
With all the time we spend researching and buying fake products that promise to grow our hair back, we can soon find our bank accounts empty and ourselves incredibly stressed.
Let’s face it, we’re fighting against hormones, hormones that are also playing key roles in other areas of our bodies. To even try and fight against these hormones even a bit, we have to ingest potent chemicals that cost a tonne of cash. These chemicals barely scratch the surface of the problem and are not miracle cures.
The available treatments for hair loss right now are life-long treatments. Many guys use these chemicals with great results and many of them have the spare cash to do so. Instead of worrying about hair loss, they’re willing to spend all of their time focused on their hair and restoring it. I applaud them for their commitment but that way of life just isn’t for everyone.
Having something like your hair as your sole focus is stressful. Having hair can be great but it’s not just the chemicals to try and save it that are expensive. Hair cuts can also be expensive, especially when your hair grows super fast.
I haven’t been to a hair salon since I was a little boy. My hair has always grown fast and so I would be in the hairdressers every two weeks. I personally never enjoyed the experience (except getting the sweets at the end) and I knew it cost my parents money for both me and my brother every time we went.
My mother started to cut my hair when I was ten and from then on I’ve always cut my own hair. God knows how much money I have saved but I’m guessing it’s a lot.
I can’t imagine being a woman for example and spending $50-$100 a pop just to get my hair done. I know some women who spend this much on their hair every three weeks! Women do hair more hair to maintain but for guys that are losing their hair, we can save a tonne of cash that can be used for better, more important things.
5. When you stop worrying about hair loss, you focus on other things
When you stop worrying about hair loss you start to find more important things to occupy your mind. For me, it’s spending time with my family or ding more writing. No longer do I need to get up early just to adjust my hair. I can get up and get on with my day without having to think too much.
For thirteen years my hair has been my sole focus and trying to hang on to it. With a new sense of freedom, I’m beginning to think of other things I can be doing. There are many stories online about people finally shaving their heads and then transforming their bodies for example.
6. Most women don’t care
In a cosmetic focused world, it’s easy to think that if you lose your hair you’ll be deemed unattractive by the opposite sex. I found myself thinking this way too. I felt as if I’d look ugly with no hair as if I resembled someone like Shrek.
However, the truth is, most women don’t care. By now, most women are used to seeing bald men all over the place, from TV to real life. A lot of women even prefer it because they don’t want boyfriends that are vainer then them. They want men who act like men and own their manliness. That includes having a man that is confident about his hair or lack of.
Women don’t want men who take up more time in the bathroom doing their hair then they do.
Of course, some women don’t like the look but who cares? You’re not going to like the way every woman styles HER hair. Even with hair, you’re not going to be attractive to every woman on the planet. Most of the time, the women who don’t like the shaved head look are very young or immature. Every person has their own types and luckily for us guys, women care about personality too whereas men are more focused on looks than anything else.
There are even some women out there that have the hots for only the shaved head look, especially when paired with a beard. It makes you look like a manly-man that has bigger things to concentrate on than your hair.
Basically, women don’t like vain men, it’s just not attractive in the long-run.
Stop worrying about hair loss and move on with your life
I hope that this post has helped you in some way. Like I said, hair loss is a process of grieving and it can take a long time to accept your hair loss. You can feel very emotional and down-beat but it’s important to remember that this is a common issue all men face together.
It’s also important you don’t feel stupid for caring so much. I cared and worried about hair loss for nearly half my life and I think that most men do. It’s normal to worry about it but in the end, you’ll find yourself in a place of acceptance eventually, you’ll shave it off and grow a bad-ass beard!