Do you often feel like the world is moving around without you? Do you feel like you’ve had so many failures in your life that you just feel like “I’m not good at anything”? Most people, myself included, feel this way from time to time. When things don’t go right, it’s easy to feel like you’re not good at anything. Everything seems to blur into one big image of you being a failure at everything you try. I wanted to talk about this cognitive distortion because it’s how I have recently felt. After a recent spell of depression, and a situation I felt I had failed it, I realised it had created a spiral in my mind of feeling like I wasn’t good at anything. My overall mood had turned negative, and so it seemed impossible for me to think I was good at anything anymore.

 

Why “I’m Not Good At Anything” Needs To Be addressed

 

The feeling  of “I’m not good at anything” needs to be addressed because it can taint every area of your life. Whether you feel like a failure at work or in a relationship, you can become so tied into this apparent idea of failure that you can easily spiral into a depression. Unfortunately, when one area of a person’s life can seem like a failure, they can then paint the rest of their lives the same way.

This idea can;

• Stop you from getting a job
• Stop you from being motivated
• Stop you from sleeping properly
• Stop you from having confidence
• Create a cycle of depression

 

For example, when I felt as if I would never find a job that I enjoyed or paid me enough to support my family, I became depressed, and I felt like a failure. It affected my relationships and my levels of self worth in every are of my life. Every part of my life seemed like a big failure and I felt like I wasn’t good at anything or wasn’t ‘good enough’ full stop.

It wasn’t until I had the support of those around me that I started to feel okay within myself again. However, feeling like you’re no good shouldn’t be underestimated. I’ve known countless people who have at some point given up on themselves because they feel as if they can’t add any value to themselves or others. They become shut off, lonely, and ultimately, more depressed.

 

Everyone’s Good At Something

 

The truth is, everyone’s good at something. You might feel like you’re not good at anything because it seems like everything you’ve tried has ‘failed’. The truth is, some people go through most of their lives before they find what they’re ‘good at’. There’s a sad situation happening right now. It is teenagers and young people becoming depressed and anxious because they feel like they’re no good, they can’t find a job, and things like social media are causing them to look at themselves in a negative light.

The idea that “I’m not good at anything” is quite simple wrong, every single time. Why? Well if you do the math, it’s clear that a human being does not have enough time in their lifetime to ‘try everything’. It is simply a case of trying things to see what you feel you’re good at. You’re current situation might limit you from trying lots of different jobs of hobbies, but it is likely that you haven’t come into contact with something that meets your skill level or interest.

When we feel like we’ve failed at everything we’ve tried, it’s easier to throw our hands up and say “I’m just not good at anything.” If we look at this statement logically, we know this is a lie.

How do we even define ‘being good at something’?

Is it something that makes us enough money? is it something we feel we have enough skill to do well? Or is it something that  we actually have an interest in. In my opinion, it is a combination of interest and skill.

 

The Theory Of Flow And Why It’s Important

 

The theory of flow is important because it’s what can define our happiness in what we do. This is a little known theory to most people, but it is highly relevant when feeling like you aren’t good at anything. Being in a state of ‘flow’ is the same as what some people might refer to as ‘being in the zone.’ Flow is when your level of skill aligns with the task at hand and you naturally dominate what you are doing without even having to think too much about it. It’s like when a footballer dribbles the ball down the field, weaving in and out of the opposition, and scoring the winning goal.

There was no real strategy behind that particular moment of action, it simply came naturally as the players skill level matched that of the game. The problem most of us have is, we do not find ourselves in a state of flow often enough. Our skill level, and interest does not align with what we’re doing which leaves us feeling frustrated or like we’re not good enough.

So whilst it’s cliche to say, it is important to find something that you’re passionate about. Often times when we’re passionate about something, we don’t need to be motivated to do it, or be pushed into doing it.

It is common for people to think they should know what they’re good at from the get-go. We put so much pressure on ourselves to know what to study, how to spend our time in and what jobs we should get. The truth is, we can’t know what we’re good at unless we go through life having experiences. It might take you having several jobs before you find something that you enjoy and are interested in. Noone gets it right first time. In the 21st century, it’s even harder to find meaningful long lasting work, so it’s important not to beat yourself up fro not feeling like you’e doing everything right.

 

How To Find What You’re Good At 

 

So whilst you’ll have plenty of experiences that will make you feel like you’re not good enough, there will also be times that you find yourself in a state of flow. It could be a hobby that you get lost in, or a new job that makes you feel like you have purpose. The key is to keep trying things out and do what you feel comes naturally to you. Personally, I find the things that I feel like I want to do naturally ore often seen by others as the things I’m ‘good at’. These are my hobbies and interests like drawing and writing. When I;m doing these things, I enter a state of flow where I don’t have to think too much, I just ‘do’.

To see what you might already be god at as an individual, try listing out everything you can think of. You might be a good friend, a good brother, or a good parent. Feeling like you’re not good at anything is usually tied to the value we give to things that are external to ourselves. The very things you are good at could already be within yourself. It comes down to how you define success and being ‘good’ at something.

You could also be;

• Good at sharing
• Good at conversation
• Good at listening
• Good at helping others
• Be a calming influence

So what do you define as ‘being good at something’ as?

 

Don’t Listen To Negative Reinforcement

 

There will be times others will be there to reinforce your ‘failures’. It’s important not to fall into the trap when it happens. Some people will reinforce what you’re thinking of yourself, not to make you feel worse, but because they’ll think they’re comforting you and telling you that you were right all along.

Often times, we seek out others to validate how we’re feeling about ourselves. We get caught up in a spiral of self-loathing. It’s a habit that like any other habit, is hard to shake. We have to break the cycle by remembering what is important to us, and remember what we enjoy doing that gets us in a state of flow.

We cannot be good at everything, because it’s literally impossible. Instead, what we can do, is focus on the things that actually interest us, because these are the things that make us unique, and more importantly, make us feel happy.