Everyone is chasing happiness. After all, who doesn’t want to be happy? However, life doesn’t always work this way and there often ends up being many things that stand in the way of our happiness, furtherore, many don’t know how to be happy or even know what would make them happy in the first place. That’s why it can be helpful to think about habits for happiness – simple things you can do each day to try and stay on track.
In this post, we’ll look at Stoic habits for happiness that can help you build an unshakable mind in an unpredictable world.
What is happiness?
Happiness could be defined as a state of joy, satisfaction, contentment and fulfilment. It’s a subjective emotion that is defined differently by different people and is an emotion brought on by doing vastly different things for different folks. For example, I may find happiness in writing and you may find a great deal of happiness from socialising with friends. Overall, happiness is a temporary state of mind for most people.
Why is happiness so important?
I used to think that chasing happiness was the wrong idea as it is a fleeting, temporary state of mind for the most part. However, there are many important benefits to consciously aiming for happiness and not just for yourself but for those around you too.
Habits for Happiness
It’s clear that trying to find happiness in your life is only a good thing, so, how do you do it? Whilst different things bring happiness to different people making it a personal thing, there are timeless habits for happiness anyone can use as a framework to building happiness in their life.
These timeless stoic habits for happiness have been around for thousands of years and have helped many generations lay the foundations to build unshakable happiness in their lives.
The Stoics believe that happiness cannot be gained from others, only by mastering your own mind, focusing on that which you can control and by living as best you can in harmony with the natural world.
The truth is, there are many things you can do on a daily basis to potentially increase your happiness like exercise, spending time with friends, eating a healthy diet, etc, however, the below habits for happiness aren’t simple tasks, rather, they are important lessons from some of the great minds of the past that are worth writing down, repeating to yourself and remembering on a daily basis through habit.
They can potentially be life-changing if you spend a little time truly digesting them, reflecting on them and then ultimately trying to deploy them into your daily life.
The Stoics weren’t perfect, far from it, however, they did spend a lot of their time contemplating the self and what it means to be happy and so these ancient lessons could help us today.
1. “If what you have seems insufficient to you, then though you possess the world, you will yet be miserable.” — Seneca
Do you find yourself always looking at what others have in their lives whilst what you have never seems to be enough? I think most of us have been there, we assume that just because another man has more than us that he must be happy, constantly. In reality, this is not always the case. If you are unhappy with what you have right now, there is a strong chance that you will also be unhappy eventually, even when you get the thing you most desire.
Habit: Learn to be grateful for what you have today as even if you possess the world, you may still feel hollow and unhappy. Learn to appreciate the small things that make your life worth living and you will be happier for it.
2. “What is the point of dragging up sufferings that are over, of being miserable now, because you were miserable then?” — Seneca
How often do we dwell on that of the past, bringing unhappy occasions back up time and time again and swimming in the misery of the past? A good daily habit for happiness is to only look forward not backwards. Do not allow the troubles of the past to creep into today, only to pull you back down.
Habit: You cannot change the past. The present is a fresh start to begin building your happiness. Try to get into the habit of letting things go and bringing your mind to the present moment to positively affect the future.
3. “The wise man is neither raised up by prosperity nor cast down by adversity; for always he has striven to rely predominantly on himself, and to derive all joy from himself.” – Seneca
One of the biggest themes through the Stoic teachings is the practice of focusing on yourself and understanding that you are the master of your own mind, separate from the changes that happen around you in life. Therefore, you are not pulled around into states of utter joy or complete bitterness by the occurrences in your life.
If you base your sense of happiness on the things around you, you can be sure that you will suffer greatly as nothing stays the same, you simply become a slave to the things you cannot control, allowing them to dent your emotional state over and over again. If you can summon your own happiness from within and largely rely on yourself, you will not be so affected by the things that happen around you.
This is hard to do. After all, as human beings, we are bound by our love for one another and therefore we do become emotionally attached to the people around us.
Habit: A good habit for happiness would be to start believing in yourself more, love the things you love but remember that you do not have control over them, only yourself. Find the things that make you feel a sense of happiness and keep doing them as long as they don’t harm anyone else. Whatever happens, try not to get too high or get too low.
4. “The secret of happiness, you see, is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less.” – Socrates
Socrates talked about the habit of being able to enjoy less. This once again fits into the theme of gratitude for what you already have. In the developed world, we can find ourselves wanting more and more, becoming nothing more than consumers that move on to new things time and time again.
Habit: Can you still live a full life without wanting the new thing that comes out? For example, is the new phone you desire that much better than your current one? Think about what you keep around that could just be distracting you. Then, separate them from the things you truly need. Could simplifying your life make you happier?
5. “Freedom is not procured by a full enjoyment of what is desired, but by controlling the desire.” – Epictetus
Epictetus talked about self-discipline and controlling desires. As a slave for much of his life with little possessions, he himself had to control himself and his desires. Freedom is not gained from the enjoyment of doing what we desire, instead, it is gained by controlling those desires. After all, if you can build your own self-discipline, you will find that little affects you and your way of thinking. You’ll find that the things you desire do not control how you behave and pull you around like a puppet and therefore you may feel happier for it.
Habit: Practise self-discipline when you feel tempted by the things you desire. Ask yourself; ‘why do I feel I want this? Will it truly make me happy or is it just displaying power over me?’
6. “If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” – Marcus Aurelius
We suffer much more in our imaginations than in reality. Many of us know people (or ourselves) who suffer from intense anxiety that is expressed through overthinking. It can be crippling and sometimes we make it worse by indulging further and further in these kinds of thoughts. Marcus Aurelius often talks about the power within you, the thing that you can harness whenever you choose if you decide to.
He himself was arguably an anxious Emporer who suffered many losses in his life. However, he understood that he was suffering more from his estimations of things than the things themselves. Simply understanding this could help you to become happier. Realise you can revoke your estimation about anything and its hold over you dissolves.
Habit: Look at what is bothering you. Is the thing itself affecting you or your estimation of it? Do you find yourself overthinking to the point of exhaustion? Make a conscious effort each day to pause when you feel these kinds of feelings and ask these questions.
7. “Hang on to your youthful enthusiasms, you will be able to use them better when you are older.” – Seneca
Try not to become cynical as you age. How often do you see people talk about, for example, “that grumpy old man”? It seems hard not to let life wear you down as you age. After all, experiences can harden us and can cause us to become pessimistic. However, would you be happier if you tried to manifest some of the child-like enthusiasms you once had when you were young? When I discover something new to learn about I feel that old feeling and it fills me with a genuine sense of excitement and curiosity.
Research has shown that curious people are happier. Therefore, keeping a youthful sense of enthusiasm could be a great habit for happiness.
Habit: When the world feels smaller, it feels less exciting. Try to find new things to learn about or discover as often as you can. When talking to people, ask questions to learn about them. Be present and curious. Practise removing your expectations or opinions and simply absorb what you see and hear with intention.
8. “True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future, not to amuse ourselves with either hopes or fears but to rest satisfied with what we have, which is sufficient, for he that is so wants nothing.” — Seneca
The Stoics often talk about focusing on the present moment, much like mindfulness. When you focus on the present moment, you not only find that you are more present, but you no longer feel down about the past or worried about the future. The key lesson here is that you have control over right now, not the past or the future. It can often be hard to focus on the present moment when there is so much to think about but with practice, you can use simple exercises to help you ground yourself in right now.
Habit: Practise daily mindfulness to bring your focus to each moment that passes rather than longing for the past or fearing the future. This is difficult to do but it is a vital habit for happiness, in my opinion.
9. “If you really want to escape the things that harass you, what you’re needing is not to be in a different place but to be a different person.” — Seneca
Have you ever found yourself feeling down and all you want to do is escape so you travel somewhere to get away from it all? Whilst this can sometimes help give you a new perspective on things, often you simply find you feel the same way only in a different location. Seneca talked about the need to be a different person when you’re feeling harassed by life, not to be in a different place. This falls into the Stoic theme of conquering yourself instead of trying to change the world around you as if you work on yourself, you could be happier, no matter where you are or where you go.
You can start to truly fix your happiness instead of trying to escape to somewhere new in the hope you might feel different.
Habit: When you’re feeling harassed by life, ask yourself, ‘What is it that I need to do to improve things? If I escape to a new pasture, will that truly improve my mood at my core?‘
10. “Any person capable of angering you becomes your master.” – Epictetus
When was the last time you got into an argument with someone only for it to ruin your whole day? You find you can’t stop thinking about it, wondering what you should have or could have said. The anger distracts you, pulling your attention to a negative place for much of your day and it can take you some time to calm down and forget about it, as it saps your energy and mind.
Habit: Anyone that angers you becomes the master of your mind. You lose control over your emotions and they become in control. A good habit for happiness would be to pause when you feel angry or enraged and ask yourself if you want that situation to affect you for hours on end. Remember: You can choose how you react to anything quickly allowing you to retain control, even if your ego feels dented.
11. “Don’t be concerned with other people’s impressions of you. They are dazzled and deluded by appearances. Stick with your purpose. This alone will strengthen your will and give your life coherence.” – Epictetus
Try not to be concerned about what others think of you. Of course, you want those you love and care about to have a good impression of you but what most people think of you is just their own opinion based on what they see and hear. What they think of you is not important in the grand scheme of things. That’s not to say you shouldn’t be kind, you should, but you shouldn’t allow your worries about their personal thoughts from continuing with your own purpose as it is something outside of your control. Let your concerns go and concentrate on yourself and you might be happier.
Habit: Try not to allow the ego to steer the ship when you think someone doesn’t like you. Always remember that someone’s opinion or impression of you is their business, not yours and it has no effect on you as it is not something you cannot control.
12. “Be careful whom you associate with. It is human to imitate the habits of those with whom we interact. We inadvertently adopt their interests, their opinions, their values, and their habit of interpreting events. – Epictetus
It can be easy to begin to adopt the views and opinions of those whom we spend a lot of time with. However, we should be cautious that we don’t lose our own values and opinions. Whilst we may associate with those who lift us up, we will no doubt at some point socialise with those who seem pessimistic and negative. We must watch that we don’t adopt their habit of negativity or seeing life in a negative light.
Habit: Be aware that you will come into contact with those who look at life with a negative lens much of the time. Make sure you do not adopt their outlook. It is not your job to try and change their mind, rather, it is only your job to remain on your own path, the one you can control. Try to be patient with them whilst remaining strict with yourself.
Habits for Happiness conclusion
These Stoic habits for Happiness all have the same theme – concentrating on what is within your control and disregarding that which is not. Whilst this sounds simple enough, it can be hard in day-to-day life. However, if you can practise these lessons over and over again, you may find that you’re able to be a happier person.
Want some more inspiration? Check out these Marcus Aurelius quotes on life!