More and more people are searching for “how to be present” as life gets busier and more complex. Ask yourself; “When was the last time I felt fully present?” I thought I was getting better at being present until the pandemic hit the world. I then realised I hadn’t been present for years, probably since I was a child. With bundles of time to sit with my thoughts, It hit me that I had never just stopped and looked at where I was.
With a new sense of clarity, the goodness in my life rose to the surface as did the anxiety. Having a clear view of your present moment can be scary, at least in my experience. You have no clutter, no excuses, no brain fog, just time to reflect and digest what you are and how you got to that point. I began to ask myself why I didn’t do more in certain situations, why I did really well in others and I found myself doing a post mortem of the last thirty years.
What is being present?
Being present is being fully in the moment without physical or mental distraction. It sounds simple enough but it’s much harder in practical terms. There’s a whole host of things pulling at your attention constantly.
Is being present totally possible?
I’m sure with prolonged meditation you can reach a place where you are fully present. However, for most of us, I think it’s unlikely you can be 100% present. With the way our lives are structured with work and responsibilities, it’s a tough ask. Still, I think it’s important to try and be more present, even if you do find yourself easily distracted. I think that is so valuable to at least try, especially in a world where people are supposedly becoming more anxious and depressed.
Why being present is important
Even with the naked clarity that came with that time, I began to understand the importance of being present. Not just pretending to be present, but truly, intentionally and whole-heartedly present. 2020 taught me that we spend most of our lives coasting, even when we feel as if we’re in control of what we’re doing. We’re always thinking of the next ‘thing’ of planning our next exciting escape. We’re always yearning for tomorrow to avoid the mundaneness or sometimes even pain of today. Sometimes today is too painful to confront.
We tell ourselves that “there’s always tomorrow,” as if tomorrow will somehow bring better days that today. In reality, all we have is today. Tomorrow is uncertain and not guaranteed. If your mind is always further down the road, how can you enjoy today? this hour? this minute? this moment in time? Is this second right now not as valuable? After all, this moment right now is all that exists.
It seems obvious that if you can be where you are, moment to moment, your happiness and satisfaction levels will be the best they can be. So, why is it so hard to do this and just forget about tomorrow so you can enjoy what’s in front of you right now? I think there’s a number of reasons why it can be hard to be fully present and yes, I think that computer in your pocket is the first reason! So here’s how to be more present, from my own opinion and experience.
1. Limiting phone time & access
Sometimes I feel like I bash technology too much but the truth is, I love my tech. I love my phone and my laptop. After all, they’re what I use to express myself creatively. However, I understand their ability to be destructive. It seems the whole time I have my phone on me, I’m giving myself an ‘out’ of my current situation anytime I want. What I mean by that is, I can use my phone to escape from my present moment.
Whilst this is helpful sometimes, it also creates situations where the person opposite you isn’t really listening to you at all. Their mind is partially preoccupied with the notion that they may get a message for example. Whilst your body is physically there, your mind is largely not. Worst still, every single everyday situation are now photo or video opportunities.
I find it really sad when I watch people at football matches filming the game on their phone, a video that they’ll probably never watch back anyway. In my opinion, if you get out of that mindset, and just enjoy what is in front of you for what it is, you’ll quickly be on your way to being more present.
Of course, cell phones aren’t going anywhere and I don’t want them to. However, if you can just limit your usage or leave yours at home from time to time, I think you’ll feel relieved from not always being so accessible to everyone.
2. Accept things for how they are
Being present involves accepting things for how they are, not how you want them to be. Of course, it’s natural to want to change things so they are better and in my experience, that’s okay if the things you want to change are in your control. However, fretting over the things you cannot control will only send your thoughts spiralling into chaos.
For example, if you miss your train, it’s obviously not a nice feeling but it is something you must accept or you’ll work yourself up and begin to over worry. Whilst it’s difficult sometimes to calm yourself down if you can, you’ll get better at controlling yourself and in turn will find it easier to become more present.
3. Let go of expectations
I usually find that the higher my expectations are, the more I feel unsatisfied with reality. Whilst I don’t think you should settle for things when you expect better, it seems important to at least manage your expectations. It’s impossible to get rid of all your expectations because that’s just how people are wired.
However, if you can manage your expectations, you’ll be able to live in the moment more easily. The way to do this is to start being more realistic with what you can expect from people and certain situations. After all, nothing is easy and there are always bumps on the road.
4. Design a day with no plans and no distractions
When was the last time you just did nothing? I don’t mean sitting in front of the TV playing games on your phone in the evening. Of course, this is easier said than done if you have kids to look after, for example, but if you can set aside a day or two to just do nothing where you can be alone with your thoughts, you can start to clear your mind and experience each moment as it’s happening.
If this isn’t possible at home, why not book a trip for a couple of days with a loved one away from your phones and TVs? Whenever I get away, I always come home with a fresh mind, as if I have recharged my batteries. I believe this phrase comes from the idea of clearing out the concerns that have been weighing you down for periods of time. This is possible by becoming more present whilst you’re focusing on living day to day on your break instead of what you might need to do tomorrow.
5. Live more mindfully
Whilst mindfulness may seem like an annoying buzzword right now, there’s a lot of value in living mindfully. If you can be more mindful, there’s every chance you can start being more present. Mindfulness is the practice of grounding yourself in moments. It’s about paying more attention which will only leave you feeling more present, in my experience.
You can start being more mindful by paying attention to your senses whilst you listen to your surroundings, the taste of your food and the sensations on your hands and feet. I always think of mindfulness as consciously paying close attention to the little things we always look over or take for granted. The great thing about mindfulness is that there’s a low barrier to entry. Of course, it takes time to get used to and you may also find yourself asking if you’re doing it right but like anything, just keep practising.
Here are some quick mindfulness exercises to get started.
6. Overcome procrastination
When I look back, all the best experiences I’ve had were when I threw caution to the wind and just jumped in. I’ve always had a problem with overthinking things. It seems the anxious mind is one that sucks the joy out of the present. “What if this happens? what if that happens?”
Whenever I have over-analysed things, I’ve robbed myself of a good time. Overcoming procrastination isn’t easy, in fact, it’s probably just as hard as overcoming anxiety because both are so interlinked. The key for me has always been saying yes and jumping in headfirst whilst silencing my inner worrier. Just starting regardless of apprehension seems to be the only answer to procrastination.
Once you start something, it’s then easy to get into a flow of things and you forget that you were even anxious about it to begin with.
7. Start a writing habit
Before I started blogging in 2017, I hadn’t picked up a pen or opened a black Word document for about a decade, since I was at college. Once I got into a groove of writing regularly, I began to understand its benefits. Not only is it a great way to hone a skill, but it’s also a great way of being present. Writing allows you to explore the ideas you’ve got bottled up in your mind. When you go on a run, you lose track of time and you become fully engaged in the present moment.
This is great practice for being engaged fully present and engaged, without worrying about anything else. If you don’t want to blog, you could buy a cheap journal and jot down your thoughts each day. It’s also a great way of being mindful and in the moment.
8. Exercise (but for your mind)
It’s obvious that exercise is good for your body but your brain is still a part of that. Exercise is great for you but it’s also great for your mind. When you exercise, it’s a very honest experience meaning it’s just you and the treadmill, you and the road or you and your weights. There’s no room for worry or fear. Something inside of you gets activated, something primal. You commit to being there and then and getting the job done. It’s a fantastic way to become more present or at least practise being present.
I always find that once I have finished exercising, my brain feels like it’s been reset or at the very least had the cobwebs blown out. I’m able to settle easier and gather my thoughts.
9. Look people in the eye
If you’re anything like me, you may have trouble being present with your family. Thoughts about work or what you need to do at the weekend might distract you from the conversation that’s right in front of you. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been talking to someone only to forget what they have just told me. It’s embarrassing, to say the least. People think you’re being rude but in reality, you just can’t focus.
When I was a kid I heard the best piece of advice and I’ve never forgotten it (even if I don’t always implement it.) That was to always look people in the eye to let them know you’re listening to them. In my experience, it really does work well. It’s easy to get distracted or play with your phone when you feel uncomfortable but when you look someone in the eye, there’s no hiding from their words.
10. Being more present with your child
If you’re a parent, you may be wondering how to be more present with your child. The truth is, as an adult you have a million things to think about however I always tell myself that my child doesn’t care about all those things, they’re only interested in showing me what they like or what they are currently thinking about. I’m always amazed by how switched on my son is, he doesn’t miss a trick and I’m sure he can tell if I’m being present with him or if I’m distracted.
I feel like it’s my duty to be present with him and of course, that’s all I want to be. The way I do this is by getting down to his level mentally and physically. If he wants to show me a game he likes I join in and get stuck into his world, leaving my distractions behind. We go out and we play football and just have fun with no expectations. I know this is an important thing to do, even when I don’t feel like it because I’m tired. The reason is that I know those occasions are the ones that he and I will remember forever.
I never knew I’d be able to learn so much from my son but he has reminded me that we all once had little to no concerns, we lived for the moment and enjoyed ourselves with simple curiosity. I think part of being present is reclaiming some of that, no matter what age you are.
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