From what I’ve read, there’s no conclusive connection between creative types and depression and anxiety, the evidence is more anecdotal. In this article, I’ll post my theory on why I think creative people become depressed or feel anxious and it’s not going to be science-based, it will be from my own experience. First of all, when I call myself an artist, what I mean is creative. And when I talk about this whole subject, I am talking about writers, painters, singers and performers all of types.
Furthermore, when I talk about artists and mental health, I’m talking about general anxiety and low mood that follows many creative types, not chronic anxiety and depression which is much different. This post is focused on the manifestation of negative feelings from chasing perfection through art and or ignoring it.
There’s a common perception that creative people suffer from mental health issues like anxiety and depression. Everyone from Van Gogh to Edvard Munch to singers like Demi Lovato and Mac Miller. Each one of the artists would have different reasons as to why they suffered from anxiety or depression and are extreme cases that are in the public eye. I’m not going to compare myself to famous artists, instead, this theory applies to anyone that feels the urge to create and chase artistic perfection.
The curse of the creator
In my own experience, I can’t help but feel as if I constantly need to do better and do more in my writing and my artwork. It seems as though nothing is ever good enough. Furthermore, if I am not doing these things I get a little anxious as if I’m missing out on the opportunity to improve. If I’m pulled away to do something else I get agitated because all I want to do is focus on what I naturally feel inclined to do. You could put it down to perfectionism but I think it’s something much more than that.
As a child I would want to be the best artist I could be, always wanting to outdo anyone else in class and feeding on the praise of people telling me “you’re so good at drawing!” When you find something that comes so naturally to you but seems so out of reach and complicated to others, you begin to build an identity around it. You bathe in the praise and want more recognition because you want to be recognised for the thing you truly are. As a child, I would draw a picture and then throw it in my bin if a small detail wasn’t quite right. Someone would then come along and take it out saying; “why did you throw this way? it’s really good!”
However, to me, that one small imperfection would not align with the idea that I’d had in my head when I’d first starting drawing it.
As I have grown older, raw passions like art have had to take a back seat due to responsibilities. However, when you’re sat in an office or cleaning your house, you still feel disgruntled that you can’t do that thing that keeps niggling in your head. It’s an annoying feeling that only goes away when you begin to do that thing again. That thing that comes so naturally to you comes naturally for a reason. You don’t quite know why you want to do it but you just do. It’s something that doesn’t make any logical sense or have any kind of source to it. For me, that was always drawing and these days it has become writing too.
Unfinished business
As a creator of art, writing or singing, for example, there’s always a feeling of unfinished business. You are reasonably satisfied with you latest creation but you know you need to do more. It’s almost like a drug or a scratch that needs to be constantly itched. That’s why I think you either have the curse of the creator or you don’t. You can begin or want to write a book but if you don’t get naturally pulled towards finishing it, you never will. If it was just a nice idea in your head then you might start it and then stop when it gets tough.
That’s not to say artists don’t throw something away when it becomes difficult but from what I can see, most artists keep going or at least ‘park’ ideas and then finish them off later when they get their next creative wind of inspiration. Even when an artist has written a book, finishes a painting or has released a song, they are always thinking about the next thing because the sense of satisfaction they get is so fleeting.
What’s more, they wonder if they could have added an extra chapter, coloured something a bit darker or changed the pitch of their voice differently. An artists work is never done. An artist might want to stop and have a break but that feeling of chasing perfection never stops, it only gets quieter from time to time.
“For as long as I can remember I have suffered from a deep feeling of anxiety which I have tried to express in my art. Without anxiety and illness, I should have been like a ship without a rudder.” Edvard Munch
Edvard Munch
“Over the years, I’ve periodically found myself in situations that felt desperate and, in those moments, I’d feel that I needed to make certain things.”
David Wojnarowicz
Chasing a sense of satisfaction
Because an artists work is never done, they’re lead to chase something that will give them the ultimate recognition they deserve. I don’t think the recognition is always sought from others but more from themselves. It’s the endless pursuit of proving to themselves that they are good enough. This is why I believe artists become depressed because that perfection does not exist. That sense of completion is momentary and will need to be reached again and again without and end in sight. That’s why I don’t think an artist needs motivation, the motivation they have is constantly being reborn within them. They are cursed by the pursuit of satisfaction and recognition.
Over time this can be harmful, you can become fed up with the mundaneness of daily life and even depressed. For myself, I’ve worked jobs that I despise, mostly because they haven’t offered any kind of creative outlet. I’d spend my evenings and even lunch breaks doing something creative just to satisfy that feeling. I’d try and squeeze in a creative endeavour into my day in any way I could whilst being terrified of being just another blunted number on the payroll. I’ve started projects and left them half complete just to get a fix.
I became depressed by the idea that I was working only to exist and resentful that I couldn’t fully express the thing that everyone used to tell me was amazing about me. That’s why I believe if you have the ‘curse of the creator’ you’ll always find a way of expressing yourself. You’ll stay up late recording your first single, spend your lunch breaks creating your next masterpiece or wake up early to get your book done before work. You really don’t have a choice. You know you need to do it. You might not want to at times but the feeling of guilt that comes when you don’t is too painful and saddening.
Why creative people get depressed – conclusion
Why do creative people get depressed? I’m sure there’s plenty of reasons but this theory is what makes the most sense to me.
I am no great artist or writer but I can’t ignore the fact I am plagued with the feeling I need to continuously create and always have.