When you think of self-care for men, you may actually think of women having pedicures or lunch dates and wonder how it could possibly relate to you… However, self-care is much more than that. More importantly, self-care isn’t just for women. It’s not always about pampering yourself, in fact, that’s just scraping the surface of what proper self-care is all about.
Real self-care doesn’t happen overnight, it’s a worthwhile habit that you have to do regularly and it doesn’t have to eat into your precious time at all.
Most men don’t realise it, at least those that I know, but, we guys need self-care as much as the ladies. As men, we tend to suffer from burnout a lot and worse – we find it hard to talk about it. One problem leads to another and before we know it, we’re silently carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders. We sometimes think that we’re not allowed to talk about what’s bothering us for fear that we will be seen as weak.
“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation, and go to the grave with the song still in them.”
Henry David Thoreau
Whether you like it or not, there are still many gender stereotypes and one of those is that a man should just keep his head down and hustle tirelessly to provide for his family. One potential problem with this is when a man doesn’t feel fulfilled with the work that he does. This can then lead to a feeling of purposelessness or worse, depression. The bills keep coming and yet you may feel trapped in a job you hate.
Self-care for the mind and body
Many men are happy to work their butts off for their families but they also need time to decompress every now and again to prevent endless stress and exhaustion. Work can become all-consuming which is usually fine at first but over time overworking can be bad for your health, especially if you don’t have a way to blow off steam in a healthy way during your free time.
Furthermore, it’s also easy to feel sluggish when you hit middle age and perhaps have a child or two. Suddenly your pants are a little tighter and you find it harder to move around like you once did as you try to keep up with the kids. It’s no surprise you might end up simply feeling rubbish juggling a bunch of stressful plates.
This is when it’s important to truly look after yourself. Being a man is hard. Being a woman is hard and being a human is hard! With this in mind, let’s look at some self-care ideas for men that aren’t cringe-worthy or weak, just realistic and ultimately helpful.
1. Talk it out
As mentioned, we men can have a tendency to bottle it all up. Whether it’s not wanting to seem weak, or incapable or not wanting to worry our partners, it can be a real challenge to find a quiet part of the day to sit down with a loved one and simply just thrash it all out.
Talking to someone can get a great deal of weight off your shoulders. It’s like purging the vines of stress in flames that grow on you when you’re stressed. You can feel much lighter and freer having shared your stress with someone else. It doesn’t have to be with a therapist but that certainly helps, especially if you don’t want to share your thoughts with your family.
It’s not weak to need to talk it out with someone, in fact, I’d argue it makes you feel stronger when you have finished. It’s like the relieving feeling of having a good cry. It’s important to purge those emotions once in a while but it needs to be in a healthy way like having a non-judgemental conversation with a loved one or a therapist.
Not sure where to start? Here’s a great bunch of resources you can contact when you need that chat the most.
2. Take a good break
I’d argue an important part of self-care for men is also making sure you take regular breaks whether it’s stepping out for a few minutes at home or from work itself. We men can get consumed with work easily but with that comes stress and that stress can creep up on you over time. What’s worse, if you don’t enjoy your work you may feel trapped by the hustle and bustle of it all will.
Deadlines, late hours and chasing overtime can lead to stress and the negative health effects of stress can be a lot worse than people realise including chronic exhaustion, lack of motivation, cardiovascular disease, and mental health problems.
It’s not always easy to take a break from work, especially if you have tight deadlines. However, that’s why it’s important to optimise your days off for recovery and make sure you stay present so you’re not always thinking about work. You work hard and so you deserve a couple of days off to focus on other things like your family and your hobbies.
3. Make time for play
Remember when you used to go and knock on your friend’s front door to see if he or she wanted to come out and kick a ball around for an hour or two or until your parents called you back in? Those times seemed so free and perfect, playing with your friends until you collapsed and were asleep by eight. Why is it as adults we neglect this joyous playtime? Perhaps we’re more tired and more preoccupied but it’s just as important to find playtime when you grow up.
It’s unlikely you’ll be able to drag your 43-year-old friend out in the evening after you’ve both had a long hard day at your jobs but you can still make sure you arrange a time to meet and play. We often tell ourselves we’re ‘super busy’ but if you cut down something like your TV time in the evening, how much free time would you really have?
A good self-care idea for men, in my opinion, is to grab your buddy and go do a class somewhere or arrange a weekly football match at the park.
Adult playtime has many benefits including building creativity, keeping you young at heart, allowing you to blow off steam, relieving stress and helping you keep those friendship bonds strong. The best part is you’re doing something physical which can only benefit you.
4. Practise gratitude, regularly
Another self-care idea for men that’s easy to implement into your daily routine is practising gratitude. It’s all too easy to want more out of life but when do you ever be still and appreciate what you already have? Perhaps a friend has a better car or a better job, makes more money than you and seems like he has it all. Does all that make him a better man than you, or happier?
Usually, no, not at all…
In fact, everyone seems to be envious of everyone else. The poor man wishes he had everything his rich friend has and the rich man wishes he could have the simple life his poor friend has.
Practise gratitude by jotting down the things that make your life great. There are always things to be grateful for and usually, it’s the small things we all take for granted we need to celebrate more like our health, a calm day with warm weather where we have nothing to do and most importantly, our families.
What is it that is truly important to you? Spend a couple of minutes a day meditating on it.
5. Learn to be mindful
Learning to be mindful is a key part of self-care for men and women alike if you ask me. We spend most of our lives living in the depths of the hustle and bustle of work and forget to stop and be present whether it’s with our families on trips or with our friends having a long overdue catch-up.
Being mindful doesn’t always mean meditating for long periods of time. In fact, there are many easy mindfulness exercises you can do wherever you are that will help you recentre yourself and in many cases clear your mind whilst allowing you to be present.
6. Meditate
Meditation has grown in popularity in the Western world over the past few decades and its benefits are many. You can find inner peace, build your confidence and become more self-aware even by meditating just a few minutes a week. Meditation isn’t all about sitting with your legs crossed for several hours at a time, in fact, there are many short but sweet meditations out there you can try. Some of my personal favourites are on YouTube. All you have to do is look and find something that speaks to you personally.
The best thing about meditation is that it can be done anywhere, even with your eyes open. All you have to do is observe your thoughts as you sit peacefully. You don’t need to forcefully clear your mind though. Be compassionate with yourself and simply observe what comes and goes from your mind.
Most people wonder if they are doing meditation right but there’s really no wrong way to do it if you’re happy to commit to being still without distraction for a few minutes. However, background meditation music certainly helps.
7. Take care of your personal hygiene
Everyone’s more aware of germs since Covid and so it’s never been more important than now to look after your personal hygiene. Make a habit of hitting the shower in the morning and evening and especially after workouts. You’ll obviously feel cleaner and fresher and your partner will probably thank you for it!
Taking care of your personal hygiene can often feel like an afterthought when you’re busy but it’s an important part of looking after yourself. If you’ve never been into grooming before, try out some new shaving creams and face moisturisers. These things aren’t just for women, there are plenty of things you can try for men that will leave you feeling refreshed and ready to take on the day.
Want somewhere to start? Check out this great face cream on Amazon. It’s anti-ageing and it’ll help you look less tired.
8. Commit to a ‘present’ day
If you find it hard to switch off, why not pencil in a ‘present’ day in advance? For this day only you commit to being fully present with your family where you don’t answer calls, go on social media or fret about work, you simply give your whole attention to that which is happening in front of you. You might think it’s easier said than done, and it is, and that’s why it’s easier to set a date in advance.
Try leaving your phone on your dresser and your thoughts about work in the back of your mind. You work hard all week and look forward to the weekend so when you do have your own personal time, you deserve to enjoy it with the people that matter to you.
9. Eat feel-good foods
Self-care is also about looking after your body so it’s a good idea to check in with your diet once in a while. Most junk foods feel good when you eat them but you often feel rubbish soon after. Look at what you typically eat on a daily basis and pay attention to how you feel right after eating and the following hours. Do you feel tired? bloated? uncomfortable? If so, maybe it’s time to switch things up.
There are so many great cookbooks and websites out there with cheap, healthy food options for you to browse. Try learning a new recipe that you can test out to see how you feel once you’ve eaten them. If they leave you feeling light instead of groggy and tired, ask yourself; is this something I’d enjoy once a week? Are there any more I could try?
10. Start that thing
Start that thing you always said you wanted to try, no matter how silly it may seem to others. Perhaps you have a potential hobby you want to try out but you think your family might find it out of character or surprising. Many men live lives of quiet desperation. They feel stuck in jobs they can’t stand and yet often want to try and appear strong and in control to their families whilst at the same time not doing the creative things that they secretly pine after doing, at least that is the case with the guys I know.
Don’t be afraid to try things out like you once did when you were a curious child. Put both feet in and do it with a openmind. If you have an itch that just won’t go away – scratch it and you might feel more fulfilled.
11. Workout
Articles, commercials and magazines all tell you that you should be working out and you’re probably sick of being told. Furthermore, if you’re in a habit of having a few beers in the evenings and then having big blowouts at the weekend, it’s likely the last thing you want to do. Of course, it takes effort and that initial motivation and it can be difficult to get started.
However, the benefits of working out, even a little are huge for your physical and mental health. It also works well for a little ‘me time’ as when your partner and family know you’re exercising they’ll just leave you to it. Going for a run, a cycle or a kick about at the park with a few friends gets the blood pumping and the calories torched but it also sharpens your mind. There’s really no downside. My recommendation is to look on YouTube for some simple yet time-worthy workouts to do at home if you really are short of time.
12. Start a journal
Journaling is another one of those things that may think is only reserved for women, however, there are many benefits to it. Journaling can help you find a clear structure in your life, and identify what your goals are and how you can go about achieving them. Journaling also increases your levels of creativity which can potentially lead to fresh ideas and allows you to create a better relationship with yourself.
Whilst it helps, journaling isn’t something you have to do every day. You could simply start by doing it once a week to check in with yourself. If you want a simple way to get started, consider downloading the below free mindfulness journal template.
Free mindfulness journal template
13. Learn a new skill
Who has to say you have to stop learning new things after you leave school? I’d argue part of the fun of life is learning new things. In fact, having novel experiences is important. They allow us to stay engaged and sharp. If you’re feeling a little lost in life, try learning a new skill. It doesn’t have to be towards a new job, it could be a creative pursuit, for example,
Learning something new not only keeps you engaged but also helps broaden your idea of what the world has to offer you and even gives you something interesting to talk about in conversations away from the usual family and work chatter that we all engage in. You never know, you might stumble across something you end up loving and are secretly really good at!
You can try websites like Skillshare to discover new skills to learn. (not affiliated.)
14. Hold yourself in higher regard
“I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all the rest of men, but yet sets less value on his own opinions of himself than on the opinions of others.”
Marcus Aurelius
We often don’t have very nice self-talk and don’t hold ourselves in high regard. We sometimes give too much value to the opinions of others whilst our opinion of ourselves is not always great. Why shouldn’t we hold ourselves in high regard? After all, we are not different from one another and we all want the same things; to love and be loved and to spend our time doing meaningful things.
You have something very unique to offer as does the man standing next to you and collectively we are all very interesting and have our own skills. Try and improve your opinion of yourself based on this. If you are not someone’s ‘cup of tea’, that’s okay. There are many more people out there that are willing to give you their time.
We have to be our own cheerleaders but not through arrogance or self-righteousness.
15. Drink more water (a lot more)
You probably got bored of your parents telling you that you should drink more water. It sounds like such an obvious, boring thing. However, it’s crazy when you realise 75% of adults are chronically dehydrated in the US alone! How can a normal body work when it’s that starved of water? Perhaps you’re not just worn out from work, maybe you can regain some energy in a simple way – by drinking more water.
The benefits of drinking enough water for your body on a daily basis are many and it’s such an easy tweak to make in daily life that it should be one of the first things you do to look after your body a little better. Why not try drinking a few extra glasses for a week and see if you feel any different? 15.5 cups is the daily recommended dose for men.
16. Declutter
When it comes to looking after yourself, looking after your environment can help. In fact, tidying up can act as a powerful way to declutter your mind. Us men are sometimes thought to be messy and unorganised but of course, that’s not always true. However, if you are one of those guys, start by organising one room in your apartment or house and take your time to go through each.
Tidying up can give you a sense of control, evidence that you are capable of completing your goals and gives you more time to breathe and focus on what really matters. Sure, it can be boring but if you go through your things and throw away the stuff you know you’ll never actually use, it can be very therapeutic and rewarding by the time you’ve finished.
Start tiding the obvious things and don’t rush it. Clean as you go to freshen up the environment that you spend so much time in.
Making self-care for men a habit
Start small. Try doing one of these things a day or every other day. Write down which self-care ideas for men you want to try and stick that piece of paper up on your wall. Better still, make a rough weekly planner to schedule self-care activities. Once you’re comfortable with them and they become more natural, try adding in something else. You don’t have to do loads, just make small changes and pay attention to how you feel. Do you find yourself in a better mood once you’re done? Have they made you a calmer, more organized person?
If not, try something else. Part of the fun is experimenting. After all, we’re all different and will enjoy doing different things.
Self-care for men: final thoughts
I really don’t believe self-care exercises have to eat into your time too much. It’s a simple case of being mindful and noticing when you’re experiencing stress and burnout. There’s nothing selfish about wanting some time to yourself and let’s be honest, you’re no good to anyone around you when you’re agitated and worn-out. Men, and women, we all need time here and there to recharge our mental batteries and this starts with little self-care breaks.
These are just my self-care ideas for men that I think are worthwhile. Do you have any ideas of your own?